So I was puttering around the old blog today, mostly mortified at how dorky I am, but it’s not like I have any shame, so I won’t be taking anything down, don’t worry. Let’s see, what’s been going on as of late…I turned 40! Four. Tee. Forty years old. That’s a lot of years. Other than that, I’ve been working at the store, mostly keeping out of trouble, playing around on my new MacBook, which I will be paying off forever, but I don’t even care, because you guys. It is so sweet. I love it soooooo much. It has a twee pink case and it’s glittery because hello, if I can have something with glitter on it, there’s no way I’m NOT going to have it with glitter on it. The PerkyGoth might be covering her gray hair with red dye now, but she is still a PerkyGoth at heart.
So yeah, I was reading through the old blogs cause I had given a friend the link to the blog and I hadn’t looked at it in so long (sorry about that) and wow, to read a big chunk of it at one time is a lot, yes? In hospital, out of hospital, in, out, in, out…Well it’s been two and a half years since all that ended, and I think I’m nearing a big decision in my life – that being to get back into social work. I’m really damn good at it, and my paralyzing fear of failure is really growing old, older than me. Who is 40. In case you hadn’t heard.
All is really good around here. I’m still living with my dearest friend and her family, and I’m writing for A Madison Mom, shopping my own work out every once and a while, I even wrote a book proposal! I know, it’s crazy pants. But I’m super stable (thank you psych meds) and I’m doing better than I ever thought I could. Which of course has me thinking. And thinking is where I get myself in trouble, usually. So here’s what’s been rattling around in my brainpan lately.
Now that I’m not acutely sick all the time, what do I have to write about? Being sick wasn’t a picnic in the fucking park, but it sure made for some great writing. Now that I’m stable, it seems like I’ve lost my creativity. I know logically that’s not true, I write on Facebook and Twitter all the time, and some of it is even passably funny, but I’ve been hesitant about resurrecting the blog, because sure I was royally fucked up, but man, we had some good times, didn’t we? I don’t know. I think about that a lot.
So other than groveling at the altar of The Ghost of Steve Jobs, and working, and writing literally everywhere BUT here, what else is up? I’ve been super saucy on Twitter as of late, because I CAN there, and I’ve been behaving on FB, because I have to be. I’ve been getting out of the house more, too, which is fucking fantastic. I spent too many years locked away in various places, and now I actually look forward to going out and doing things with other people. Reach out, assholes! I’m right here, ready to go out! Let me find my shoes!
Another thing I’ve been working on is not watching political television all damn day. I made a kickass playlist of all my favorite songs, and it’s over seven hours long, so I can toss that on shuffle and have most of the day filled with music that I don’t have to worry about anyone else liking, just me and The Ghost of Steve Jobs, and I can finally turn off MSNBC so maybe my blood pressure will start behaving.
Ghost of Steve Jobs: You didn’t ask me if I liked the playlist.
Me: I…don’t really care, Turtleneck Boy.
Ghost of Steve Jobs: I can make that beautiful machine of mine break, you know.
Me: smugly I bought Apple Care.
Ghost of Steve Jobs: I control Apple Care.
Me: You’re dead, Stevie boy. I’m not afraid of you.
Ghost of Steve Jobs: We’ll see how you feel when you get the pinwheel icon of death.
Me: WAS THAT THE LAST THING YOU SAW BEFORE YOU DIED?!?!?
Ghost of Steve Jobs: You’re already making Apple jokes?
Me: I’m a very fast learner.
See? Come for the navel gazing, stay for the Mac jokes! Ahhhhhh, no one reads this blog anymore, do they? No one reads blogs anymore, fuck, even I only read a few anymore. But maybe this is a new beginning on this old thing. We’ll see.