Today’s Actual Conversation: At least I didn’t electrocute myself. Yet.

Happy birthday to me! I am now 31 years of age as of June 30th, and still utter kryptonite to electronics. Behold!

mcclainx: You need to watch this movie “Once.” Go rent it. Rent it today.

missbanshee: I will do that! Wait a minute, let me make sure the dvd player is working, for, as you know, technology hates me.

*insert dvd. Whir whir whir. No picture whatsoever.*

DVD Player: Haha. No movies for you, jerky. Lookit me! I work! See the numbers? I’m playing the dvd; you’re just not allowed to watch it. Neener!

Me: Hmm. This cannot be right. *presses various buttons on various remotes. Absolutely nothing happens.* Well, that was worth a shot.

missbanshee: Nothing is happening. The dvd player is broken. I will now chuck it out the window.

mcclainx: You will not. Is it plugged in?

missbanshee: YES, it is plugged in. My darling Amir showed me the error of my ways regarding that. It’s plugged in. Oh wait. There’s a pluggy thing that’s missing. It should be a color. A yellow pluggy thing is missing. Broken! Out the windee!

mcclainx: Go to Radio Shack, foolio.

missbanshee: Okay! I shall do just that! Radio Shack is right across the street from Blockfucker. So…Convenient!

*several weeks pass*

mcclainx: Did you watch that movie yet?

missbanshee: Nope. The dvd player is broken, remember? And you wouldn’t let me throw it out the window?

mcclainx: Oh my god, go to Radio Shack. For serious.

*Another week passes. I want to get a bellydancing dvd. (Did I mention I’m learning how to belly dance? I am. The things I do for blog fodder.) I try the dvd player again, hoping the technology fairy has visited during the night.*

DVD Player: You’ve got to be kidding me.

The Entire World: GO TO RADIO SHACK. My GOD, woman, it’s a miracle you can leave the house without a HELMET.

Me: I think I shall go to Radio Shack.

*At Radio Shack. An adorable dude with a complicated haircut assists me.*

Me: A yellow pluggy thing. So I can belly dance!

Adorable Dude: Forgot your helmet today, huh?

*I procure the pluggy thing (yellow!) and the dvds. I skipper home.*

Me: Oh, I am so smart. I will now plug in the yellow pluggy thing and everything will be rainbows and unicorn glitter.

*plug in pluggy thing. As everyone, including my dead grandmother can guess, absolutely nothing happens. Immediately hop on internet, with no regard to the fact that my friends are at work and not technical support.*

missbanshee: Nothing is happening! The pluggy thing! It does nothing!

mcclainx: *sigh*

*I frantically take pictures of the back of my TV and DVD player, and email them to my long-suffering friend.*

mcclainx: Still figuring out the focus on that camera, huh?

missbanshee: We need to FOCUS on the dvd player!

mcclainx: Ok, you need a router, so blah blah technical stuff blah blah blah.

missbanshee: Sorry, I was thinking about cute bellydancing outfits. And unicorns.

mcclainx: I will travel the 3000 miles it will take to throw you out a window.

DVD Player: Whir! Whir! Still perfectly fine! I just hate you! Because I am made of shin-kicks and paper cuts!

Me: Wah.

So I’ll ask my brother, the Dumbledore of electronics, to look at the damn thing. Because I know I will have to have a very firm conversation with the belly dancing dvd. If I don’t break my neck first.


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