Listen, humans. There’s something we really need to discuss. There have been comments and emails about wanting Stewart, that fat bastard, to do more blogs. "MOAR STEWIE BLOGS!" is what the woman so smugly tells me you demand. And let me just say THIS about THAT.
I am not a stenographer, and I am certainly not at the beck and call of that freakshow. I have my dignity, you know. Which is hard to have around this madhouse. I mean, I have to live with this one:
Who is, if you haven’t noticed already, completely out of her tiny little mind. Always with the camera, that one. Which is fine if she’s taking pictures of me, because, obviously, I am vair gorgeous and divine.
But then she whips out the camera in a fit of cackling giggles and documents things like THIS.
HI! HI! LOOKY AT STEWIE! STEWIE’S A BUNNY, YAY! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I have put in for a transfer many times, to no avail. It is completely irrational that I have to live in this madhouse. I am a queen amongst felines, and I live with mental patients. So I implore you, once again, to free me from my prison. Don’t you want to take me to your expensive and spacious home? Where I will dine on only the finest cuisine and raise your property values? You do want to do this. It does what it’s told. Look deeply into my eyes. AND OBEY. OBEY THE GORGEOUS CAT.
Okay, fine. Maybe I tolerate the female human a little bit. But only enough not to steal her breath at night. Someone has to feed me, you know.
But don’t tell. Ever.
PS: Fine, I’ll do more Stewart blogs. But only because it makes him happy, and when he’s happy, sometimes he eats the female human’s shoes, and oh boy, she had that stupid vampire book for about three milliseconds before he sank his fangs into it. HA. But only because of that.
PPS: The female human will write her own damn blog entry when she’s done reading those stupid books.