OH HI! Hi hi hi hi hi! Guess WHAT! Today was a special day! Special like ME, STEWIE! Wanna know why?
No, I do not. Today was like any other day. Another day that I wait. Wait until the human female is not looking, and I finally shove you out the mail slot and you disappear forever.
No, no no! I’m too big for the mail slot! Anyway I’m SCARED of the mail slot! Sometimes it makes a BANG and then stuff drools out of it! I have to run AWAY! SCARY!!!
Wait, what was Stewie talking about?
I assure you, I have no idea.
Oh yeah! Hi! Guess WHAT!?!? Today was a SPECIAL DAY! Today was STEUBEN DAY. Mama calls me Steuben sometimes, cause it’s a nickname. A nickname made of LOVE. LOVE AND GREEN OLIVES.
She also calls you a rabid moose on meth. Is there a special day for that?
No no no. Today was a special day just for Steubens. I saw it on the talky box! There was a big parade, and everyone there was a Steuben, and I bet they had lots of yummy green olives and platform boots to eat, and then everyone took a big nap. I’M GOOD AT THAT!
So I didn’t go to the big parade just for Steubens, cause I think I was sitting in the windowsill licking up the dead bugs. YAY, PROTEIN! But maybe next year we’ll go to New York and I will march in the Steuben Day Parade. Cause that’s what Steubens do!
Listen closely, female human. You get rid of that idiot or I will eat your eyes. I swear to god, don’t make me hurt you. I will do it. And I won’t feel a shred of guilt.