Phil Keogan, Dapper Host of The Amazing Race: For this next challenge, you will eat these bugs.
Mom: HA! No.
Phil: For this next challenge, you will run up these 1000 stairs to this ancient temple.
Mom: Absolutely hell no.
Phil: For this next challenge, you will skydive.
Me: Ooooh, I’ll do it, whee!
Mom: No. And she says no, too. No. Both of us, no.
Me: Mom, I’ll do it, I’ll DO it. Fly like an eagle, whee!
Mom: She says no.
Phil: For this next challenge, you will lead these camels to water.
Me: I don’t like sand.
Mom: Camels spit. No.
Phil: For this next challenge-
Me: No. Phil, you are adorable, but we need showers.
Mom: And real food.
Me: Room service! Phil, love ya, mean it, but we’re out.
Mom: Out to buy shoes. See ya, Phil!
And thus, my mom and I would never win The Amazing Race. We’ll watch it in our jammies from our respective couches, but no, we would never win.