NaBloPoMo: The Most Rock and Roll Things That Ever Happened To Me

I’ve done some pretty…interesting things in my life, but some stand out as THE most rock and roll. They are in acsending order of awesomeness, from "Awwww, cool" to "HOLY SHIT!"

Behold!

Philadelphia, 2002. The Damned: After wrestling my way to the front of the crowd, as I always do –

(I’m really good at it, and this is how you do it. Walk purposefully to the middle of the crowd, avoiding the pit with a look of "Oh my god, can you believe this? Just going back to my spot" and then sloooooowly work your way to the front. Microscopically. Move WITH the crowd. You’ll make it up there in no time. Wait for a big push from the pit, grab the fence, and you’re in.)

So I make it to the front, and I’m singing along, making eyes at the singer, who was old enough to be my dad, but COME ON, it was The Damned! The crowd was pretty rough, but not super bad, but I noticed a tiny kid, maybe 13, clinging onto the fence and getting totally squished every time the crowd surged. Not wanting to see this kid mooshed, and totally enamored with his baby mohawk fan, I finally pushed back, got behind him, and grabbed the fence with both hands around him. I made a human shield! He wasn’t amused! But in a very tuff way, I grunted "Trust me, kid." After he realized he wasn’t getting crushed anymore, I was his new best friend. I got PUMMELED, but the kid was safe, and thought I was some sort of aging punk goddess. Very cool.

NYC, 1994. Megadeth: I was way too young and too small for this show, but I was with the illustrious Stevil, and I knew he’d keep me upright and safe. We were next to the sound board, which is a good place to not get beaten down, but a pit started to the right of us, and out of nowhere, a very crazy looking man with very few teeth came WHIRLING out of the pit, took one look at me, and said "Kiss her goodbye, man." He then lunged to toss me into the pit? Carry me away to have his way with me? Eat my brains? We will never know. Because a bunch of HUGE guys apperated out of thin freaking air, deposited me back by the sound board, and proceeded to beat the shit out of Cletus. All for me. Yay metal fans!!!

Giants Stadium, 1997. Ozzfest: My friend Kevin and I had crap seats. CRAAAAAAAAP seats. Total nosebleeds. And we were Not. Happy. So since Ozzfest is an all-day event, we spent the day slowly weaseling our way down the tiers of bleachers, trying to avoid the cops and get better seats. It took ALL damn day, but by the time Black Sabbath came on, we were at the first tier, at the wall that goes down to the playing field.

Now, people had been jumping the wall all day, and this was getting into a serious police action, with pepper spray and everything. But we were determined to jump that (very high) wall and get to the floor for Sabbath. Because we were young and very, very stupid. So we get to the edge of the wall, and there are two HUGE security guards, and they know what Kevin and I are up to. Cue "Fairies Wear Boots" from the stage. Cue also the lumbering guards. Cue Kevin yelling "They’re playing ‘Fairies Wear Boots! WE HAVE TO JUMP!!!" I look at the security oafs, and when I look back, Kevin’s on the ground. After a hearty "FUCK!" I jumped on top of the wall, and in one fell swoop, get my boot caught between the metal bar and the wall. As I kick my boot free, the security brute almost on my ass, I fall ass over teakettle over the wall flat on my back. It was a LONG fall. I thought my back was in several pieces, but all I could think was that if I stayed down, the cops would kill me. So I flung myself up and RAN into the crowd. That was in June. By November? I could barely move, and I’ve been a card carrying member of my chiropractor’s practice ever since. And someday, I WILL have the t-shirt made that reads "I BROKE MY BACK FOR BLACK SABBATH."

Number One!!!! Oh wait, gosh this entry is getting long. Guess you’re gonna have to wait till next time!

Muahahahahaahahahah!

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Comments

NaBloPoMo: The Most Rock and Roll Things That Ever Happened To Me — 5 Comments

  1. Those are so awesomely rock and roll. I love looking back at the things I did while young and relatively unfettered-and that I now do on weekends only within the babysitter’s schedule. LOL. Thanks for sharing these, cam’t wait for the rest!

  2. I am in my (gulp) 40s now and I fling the devil horns all the time because you can never,EVER,take Metal out of your soul.The only thing that sucks about getting old is not going to concerts anymore. But, I can tell you one thing,I would still jump into the mosh pit(although I might break a hip LMFAO!!)I still love it to this day

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