Question: Do you like audiobooks? I do. I love them. You see, I get panic attacks at night. Eh, it happens. And a lovely way to avoid them is to listen to my iPod as I'm lying in bed. Funny things then happen. Here is a recreation of a common occurrence:
*hop into bed*
Me: Well, this should be interesting.
*affixes headphones, begins "Kitchen Confidential" by Anthony Bourdain. Get up. Check thermostat, check locks on doors, go to bathroom, settle back into bed.*
Me: Okay, all set.
*get up. Check to make sure coffee pot is unplugged. Check locks. Check thermostat. Hop back into bed, fling comforter over self. Embrace body pillow like a rhesus monkey. Settle in with Bourdain*
Me: I can't breathe. I CAN'T BREATHE.
*get up. Tony is chattering away in ears. Open window. Shiver. Shiver. Hop back in bed, turn self to face window. Cling to body pillow. Settle in to Tony's dulcet tones. Fall asleep. Half an hour later, begin to wake up.*
Me: Someone is talking to me. Ooooh, Tony. Get in bed, it's cold in here.
*cling to body pillow, my constant (and only) companion in bed.*
Me: Mmm, Tony.
*fall asleep. Half an hour later:*
Me: THERE'S A MAN IN MY ROOM. HAAAAAAAAAALP!!!!
*realize iPod is still playing. Chuck onto nightstand, apologize to Bourdain, then chide him for being such a tease. Fall asleep, dreams of working the line in a busy restaurant dancing in my head. Fall asleep.*
See! How relaxing! This is the only way I can fall asleep. I've moved on from Tony to Harry Potter, with much less cuddling and more imagining spells. I had a library FAIL today in trying to get "Deathly Hallows" on audio before the movie comes out IN JULY, YOU HATEFUL THINGS.
Not that I burn audiobooks onto my iPod from the library. That would be immoral and cheating. I love you, library!!! (Oops, outed myself there. Ah well. MOVING ON.)
SO. Do you have any suggestions as to audiobooks? I like fantasy (not science fiction. I WAS PROMISED NO SCIENCE OR MATH) Young adult fiction (shut up) and biographies, preferably by foul-mouthed ex-punk chefs who I bet are very naughty, very naughty indeed. Mmm, Bourdain.
But I ramble. Gimme your favorite books (that I can find on audio, natch) and I'll give you big sloppy kisses. I promise I won't be terribly dishonest and burn them to my iPod. Seriously. Really. Um, you know when I'm lying like a big lying thing who lies, don't you. I NEVER SAID I WAS PERFECT.
Anyhoodle, I need something to keep me occupied for the long trip to Vegas, since I'm not allowed to drink myself to oblivion or take Xanax. Or both. Drat.
Oh, you didn't know I'm going to Vegas? Well, you'll have to wait. OOPS, I'VE SAID TOO MUCH.