Tales From Rehab: Take the Addicts Bowling, Take Them Bowling!

In the 'hab, every once and a while we would have heavily guarded "outings." I barely went, as most of them were to the beach, and…ew, I hate the beach. HATE IT. There's…sand. And ocean beasts that eat your feet. And it's hot. And there's the SUN, which HURTS me. Seriously, five minutes in the sun, and I'm roasted to a crisp, and it burns so bad. I hate the beach. Hate it. But! One day they said we were going bowling!

I LOVE BOWLING!

I'm terrible at bowling. Awful. But I love it. I love doing the little backwards dance after I throw the ball, frantically waving it in the right direction. I love the victory dance I do after I actually hit the pins. I love the terrible food and the pinball machine. Oooooooooh I love pinball. So I went, along with a bunch of other addicts desperate to get out of the swamp and skulk around, pretending we remember how to be real people in real society.

Addicts going bowling is hilarious. We tormented our "companion" terribly, shrieking "I don't have my buddy!" and "Daddy, DADDY, I need to hold your HAND when we're outside!!!" He loved his job.

So we went bowling, and it was fun fun fun, and I made my friend D take a picture of me draped over the (closed) bar, and we were terribly obnoxious. And THEN.

Four (FOUR) children's birthday parties arrived. HA!!!! So the whole alley was filled with addicts, some of them with a very violent past, and little children. We were suddenly terrified. They knew! They had to know! The companion was wearing SCRUBS, for God's sack! So we suddenly became very self-aware and behaved ourselves very well, until we left, making a chain gang as we trundled out, howling that we needed our "outside buddies."

God, we were awesome.

And that's what happens when you let a bunch of junkies and drunks go bowling. The end!

PS: All my GH peeps? I think about you all the time. I hope you're sober, safe, and happy. Love y'all.

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