Lulu Has Something To Say To The Internet

020

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

024

AHHHHHHHHH! Son of a bitch. What do you bald monkeys WANT from my life?

018

Ooooooooooh no. Not today. You don't get HIM today. You woke me up, you get me. Understand?

015

Nope, you don't get THAT one either. Anyway, she's probably off taking pictures of her toys dolls collective figurines, anyway. That one, and don't tell her I told you this, THAT one is insane. She thinks I'm not listening, but I assure you, I AM.

028

Oh yes. I am.

022

I'm not even supposed to be here today. I'm supposed to be having dinner with Mr. Donald Trump, or at the embassy, sorting out my adoption plans with the King of Spain. So what do you want to know? OH. Yeah. The crazy one. Let me, and remember, this is only because she hates finding cat hair all over the computer, and her pain is my pleasure, let me recreate a conversation she had the other night. Behold the stupidity.

Friend of Banshee: So I'm thinking of wearing this dress to this event. It's smoking hot, and I look fabulous in it. So I think it's better than the other one, which I JUST bought, but is uncomfortable and not as fabulous as the other one.

Banshee: Well, the answer seems clear. I mean, obviously.

FOB: You're right. Obviously the first one.

Banshee: I want cake. Cake with frosting. MOCHA FROSTING.

FOB: Are you listening to me? Like, even a little?

Banshee: CAAAAAAAAAAKE.

FOB: I don't even know why I bother. Hey, dude, I'm on fire right now. Like, an actual fire is on me.

Banshee: I could eat an entire bowl of mocha frosting, you know.

FOB: Glad we had this talk.

031

Do you see now? I mean, do you SEE NOW? See how your IQ just dropped 30 points just by reading that? This is my life. I implore you once again to adopt me. Preferably a home with the following:

  • Hardwood floors
  • Very expensive furniture that I can shed on
  • NEW food every hour on the hour. And shake that shit up, I don't eat stale food or any food that happens to be flat in the bowl.
  • Crystal cat bowls.
  • You know that Annie's Goddess salad dressing? I like that. Get that.
  • Uninterrupted naps at all times.

And your home must not contain the following:

  • Madwomen who cry and/or scream over the littlest thing
  • And bitch about not being in a relationship
  • Even though she never leaves the house
  • What, does she expect FedEx to deliver Adrien Brody TO her?
  • I mean honestly.
  • And most importantly, your home will not contain THIS:

019

Obviously. Now get out of my way, and be QUIET. I have v. v. important things to do.

021

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


Comments

Lulu Has Something To Say To The Internet — 5 Comments

  1. Oh Lulu, I would adopt you, but I’m afraid you would find Mister even more annoying than dear Stewie.
    Also: It is perfectly normal for women of a certain age to lament and cry about how they want to be in a relationship when they rarely leave the house (and when they do they just go to get food or crigarettes). This is perfectly normal, or is at least the sort of behavior both Mister and Mooque (my Lulu) have come to expect from me. The Mocha Frosting thing though? I’ve got nothing.

  2. Adrien Brody,covered in Mocha frosting sounds like a treat to me.I would love to have you come live with me Lulu but I already have 3 dogs and 3 cats!!!!

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