Working Out, or, I am Out of My Damn Mind

I have a love-hate relationship with working out. I've had a history of REALLY overdoing it, and then abandoning it altogether, but my upcoming trip to Vegas, baby, has got me in the mindset that I am going to get back in shape, dammit. And it is already killing me.

So I present to you the first in a series of actual conversations regarding my workout "regime" and I apologize for any shocking language, but there you go.

Part the first: Bellydancing for Abs:

Alicia, our instructor: Now figure eights with the hips, and snake arms, that's bee-you-tiful!

Me: I hate you, Alicia. And I hate snake arms. And my left hip is wonky. And I hate you.

Alicia: Gyrate, and hip tilt, and gyrate, and hip tilt…

Me: I loathe you, Alicia. My coordination is causing me to fall ass over teakettle every time I do the tilts. Why do you torture me, Alicia?

Alicia: Aaaaand snake arms, and snake arms, and feel it in your core! Your core is strengthening by the minute!

Me: My core wants cake.

I'll tell you now, that I say this OUT LOUD to Alicia, who, being in a DVD, presumably cannot hear me. But I like to think she does.

Pros To Belly Dancing: Done properly, it's sexy as hell. And dammit, one day it WILL have sexy results for me, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. It's very low impact, and actually pretty fun.

Cons To Belly Dancing: If you are as uncoordinated as yours truly, expect less sexy and more time listing to the side, and sometimes ending up on the floor in a heap. Also, as the workout gets more advanced, there are actual routines that you have to remember, count out, stay upright, and curse at Alicia ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

So that's what I'm doing right now. In future installments: Yoga for Strength and Wishes for Death, Capoeira Dancing and Falling on Your Face, and the dreaded 30 DAY SHRED, of internet fame for pain, agony, and pushups, which as of now, has resulted in rug burn on my nose as I faceplant on the carpet.

What fun!!!!

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