Jillian Michaels Can Kiss My Untoned Ass, and a Vegas Update

But there are hijinks afoot. Shenanigans, even. And you need to know. And they all have to do with this woman.


This is Jillian. Everyone say hi to Jillian! And give her the finger. Because JILLIAN is trying to kill me. I'm thinking of taking out a restraining order.

Jillian Michaels is a personal trainer who is out to destroy us. She has this thing called the 30 Day Shred, and let me tell you, "Shred" is the perfect word for it. Because two days into it, I am shredded. Jillian practices "tough love," which means that she is a big meanie with perfect abs. I kind of love her, with her quips like "You want to QUIT? You want to turn off this DVD??? Don't you DARE!!!" and I kind of despise her with every fiber of my being, mostly when I'm doing endless jumping jacks.

Did I mention I don't own a sports bra?

So I've done the workout twice so far, and you can follow my daily updates HERE, CLICK ME, so I don't hijack this blog for all my whining about evil, naughty Jillian.


So! As I have hinted before, I am going to VEGAS, BABY! It's for a weekend in February, so I have plenty of time to get even more excited, but of course, there are also plans:

  • I will see at LEAST one Elvis impersonator. At LEAST. And the less talented, the better.
  • I will eat some In N Out Burger, and I will weep for joy
  • I will do my very best to find Criss Angel and laugh at him
  • I will wear the HELL out of my smokin hot 70's key-party-esque dress.
  • I will be naughty and ridiculous as hell.
  • And I will run around throwing glitter on drunk people, yelling "I'M THE SOBER FAIRY! GLITTER!!!"

I think these are all achievable goals. So what do YOU think? What other adventures can a bunch of writers have in Vegas for 48 hours???

It's gonna be money, baby. MONEY.


Jillian Michaels Can Kiss My Untoned Ass, and a Vegas Update — 5 Comments

  1. The wax museum is totally worth it. Where else can you have your picture taken with prince so you can aptly name the file “Pussy Control”? It’s also hella fun to go with people who will mock the stautes or say thing like “every where I go it’s eyes follow me.” At least I thought so.
    I do love your Sober Fairy idea but I am scared you might get punched.
    Also collect the “escort” flyers, they are like trading cards, see if you can get the whole set!

  2. You are LYING. You will find Criss Angel (fraud) and tell him nothing because you can’t speak. Then you will eventually sputter and ask him to sign some inappropriate part of your body with a Sharpie so you can go to the nearest tattoo parlor (one of three on the that block, cause it’s Vegas) and have it permanently memorialized on your skin.
    You know it is true.

  3. And I will run around throwing glitter on drunk people, yelling “I’M THE SOBER FAIRY! GLITTER!!!”

    Ok, so now I have tea on the screen of my laptop. And an idea of what to do if I every find myself at another Mardi Gras.

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