BROKEN!

Oh my dear precious readers. Are those new pants? Did you do something with your hair? Because you are looking FIERCE today, lemme tell ya. Oh, me? Why am I lying here on the couch with my legs propped up, so bored I could eat my own face? Well, let me tell you. I know you were promised NO MATH on the blog, but this is a simple addition problem, and it will explain my dilemma.

Take This:
001

Yes. They're toe socks. FOCUS. Okay, so you take FEET, namely MY FEET, and you add them to this:

024
HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! I broke the BABY, AWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Suck it up, lazy!

Annnnnnnnnnd you end up with THIS:
030

So for the love of the little baby Jeebus in the Snugli, WEAR SNEAKERS while working out. No bare feet, people. Not even with adorable stripey toe socks. SNEAKERS. And when you're told to stay off your feet, whatever you do, don't work out today, DON'T DO IT, keep your ankles elevated and iced, WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO MEEEEEEEE???

Well, you listen to your daddy, that's what you do. Or at least that's what I'll FINALLY be doing tomorrow, mostly because I can no longer walk without looking like Frankenstein's monster.

Sigh. Oh, and Jillian (KILL-ian?) I eat your hate like love. I'll be back, bitch!!!


Comments

BROKEN! — 6 Comments

  1. Yeah, shoes must be worn by working out. I’ve already learned that the hard way!
    Also, that Jillian bitch can totally kiss my ass! Except don’t tell her I said that because…you know…she might hurt me.

  2. One exception to this rule – yoga. Ahh so easy on the joints. Take it from someone with a serious exercise addiction. The only way to save your precious joints is yoga (and maybe calisthenics, walking or hiking – ok just no weights or running!).
    I hope you heal up! The ice really does work. Try getting one of those reusable gel filled ones from the pharmacy. If you can get one with a cloth pocket that velcros securely around your limbs, even better.
    Good Luck!

  3. I was at Target the other day and I picked up this DVD and I carried it around for awhile, and then I realized I was exhausted (and already in pain, thank you very much, mysterious back pain phantom that has now reached across to my front) and close to tears, so I put it back down. Back where it belongs, I might add, because I work retail and finding a gallon of milk in the undies department of Target never fails to chap my (wide, unshredded) butt.
    Instead I bought Core Rhythms, because my goal is to ballroom dance and have an undefinable accent.

  4. I bought that DVD last fall after doing it a few times On Demand, then tripped and jammed my toes real bad. Then they started to feel better, and I promptly fell down the stairs and tore some more ligaments for good measure. Me and my AirCast will be hiding that DVD in a drawer for a while yet, I think.

  5. Oh Sweetie, Please, Please freakin’ LISTEN this time? Also give yourself a few days even after you can hobble again before you do that Killian.
    How about some nice yoga?
    The Minx

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