Notes From The Couch

No, not my shrink's couch. She doesn't have one. Neither does my other shrink. You know, none of the bevy of shrinks I've had over the years actually had a couch? Hmm, interesting.

The World: "No."

SEE?!?!!? That's NOT interesting! This is what happens to your brain (read: MY brain) when I have to just…sit. Or lie down. Or a combination of the two. Sitlie? Laysit? Lie-sit…Liesel? Hey, Liesel is from the Sound of Music, and I was in the Sound of Music once. I was Fredrick. One of the many, many downsides of being a tall girl in an all-girls' school. I didn't play a female until my senior year. That's a lot of bad, bad wigs, people. Isn't that interesting?

The World: "No."

OH MY GOD, my brain is turning into grits. I can't work out, I can't GO out, because that involves going down two flights of stairs, which makes me see more stars than Hollywood Boulevard, I just SIT HERE and my brain is still skippering all over the place, and I have nowhere to distract it. So I hope you like a lot of blog entries, cause WHOA BOY, I need something to do. Won't all those blog entries be interesting?

The World: "No."

So yeah, my brain? Mush. I keep thinking of all this shit that seems FACINATING for a millisecond, and then I get that sick realization that no, only I think this is interesting, because my mind is made out of Slimer from Ghostbusters at this point and I haven't worked out in two days, so obviously I'll lose all the muscle tone I gained in the three WEEKS I've been doing the damn Shred and what if I don't look smokin' hot for Vegas, WHAT THEN, I ASK YOU?!?!?!

The World: "We don't care."

Oh my god, I need to calm down. Or have a visitor. HEY, wanna come visit me? We could talk and talk and talktalktalk please I'm so lonely NO WAIT. The apartment is a DISASTER. No, don't come over. How about a phone call? No, I remember, no one uses the phone anymore. A text? An IM? Carrier pigeon? Smoke signal? Semaphore flags?

The World: "We're going out now. Out. Where normal people go. People who aren't you."

Okay…um…well, hurry back! And tell me all about it, you know, that "having a life" thing! I'll be waiting right here on the couch! And…hey, on your way out, could you get my ice packs from the freezer?

The World: "No."

Okay, FINE. Go then. But I'll have you know my own mother called me "gimpy" today and the cats couldn't possibly care less and when I PERISH here ALONE on the couch and the cats EAT MY REMAINS that it'll be on YOUR HEADS.

Or maybe I'll just take another Aleve and go to sleep. Probably a better idea.



Notes From The Couch — 2 Comments

  1. vegas cool…say hi to prince for me….ooh and if you run into my douche bag ex feel free to kick him in the balls…hard…with steel toe shoes….thank god i found someone worthy my time and my love…ukrainian’s rule

  2. HeeHee… I love those toe socks. I can’t remember the last time I had a pair of toe socks.
    I’m taggin you in a post I’m putting up… if I can ever get the post up.

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