Stewie Presents DA STORY OF STEWIE!!!

O HAI! It's ME, STEWIE! Are you as bored as Stewie is about hearing 'bout Mama's broken feets? Boy, Stewie bored of that. Stewie hear about it aaaaaaaaall day "Oh Stewie, I can't walk, oh Stewie, get my icepacks, oh Stewie, stop pewping on the floorrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

SEE! It so boring that Stewie fell asleeps right there!

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See? So boring.

SO! Stewie is HERE to make things more interesting! Stewie tell the STORY OF STEWIE! Aren't you EXCITED?!?!? It is an exciting story. You ready? READY READY READY???

Once upon a time, there was a little kitten named STEWIE. He was very small and very cute, and he had FIVE SISTER KITTIES. We were all born in a place called CALIFORNIA, in an area called COYOTE COUNTRY.

(dis the scary part. You might want to hide your eyes, it's SO SCARY!)

So Stewie and his five sisters got borned where all the coyotes live, and coyotes are BIG AND SCARY, and they EATS little Stewie kitten, so we made LOUD NOISES until a lady came and got us. She said "Who dese kittens? Why dey here? Why not coyote EAT THEM UP???" It was MIRACLE, they say.

So Stewie and his mama and his five seesters go to a place to get ADOPTED. And in one big cage were all of the bee-you-ti-ful little girlcats and ME, STEWIE! And they were all beating me up SO BAD and I was just SITTING there not doing anything but getting brains damages. THAT EXPLAINS LOTS.

So then one day something SO COOL happen! I was sitting there getting clobbered, and then?!?!??!

(Dis is the good part, ready?)

THEN MY MAMA CAME!!!! She came and she looked at me getting all clonked on the head and she says "Dat's my baby!" And she scooped me up and brought me HOME!!!

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See how LITTLE Stewie was? Not a big fat fatty at all!

Editor's note: Stewie did not, nor has he ever, lived in a cardboard box. He loves them. Even when they are holding very very fragile things. Especially then.

Okay! So THEN, we said "Holy crap, California SUCKS! And we moved to FILLY-DELFIA, and then that sucked too, so we moved again to NOO JERSEY, and then BOSTON, and then NOO JERSEY AGAIN, then we moved to SAVANNAH JOR-JA, then mama had to go have her "rest" and so it was back to NOO JERSEY and that's where we live now. Stewie is a world traveler!

Ahem.

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O IT'S LULU!!! What you want, Luleesmell, this is STEWIE story.

I came first. Be sure to mention that. I am number one cat. TELL THEM ABOUT THAT.

Okay good, okay fine. Lulasmeeeeell came first.

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She number one kittycat. BUT STEWIE NUMBER TWO! Number two like POOPIES!!! AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

And dat the story of Stewie. THE END! OKAY BYE!!!

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Comments

Stewie Presents DA STORY OF STEWIE!!! — 4 Comments

  1. Stewie-
    I loved reading your story. You’re a very lucky kitty. My kitty is also adopted; I rescued him from the vet’s office when his first mom didn’t want him any longer. He is now 15.
    California does suck at times. Lots of really evil Botox People. I live in CA, but I can assure you I am Botox-free..a true CA minority.
    Stewie is a good boy!

  2. OH HAI STEWIE AND MISS LULU!!! I wished you still lived in Savannah J0R-JA because you and Miss Lulu and momma could come play with my 3 kitties and momma and I could drink lots of coffee and talk smack about bad TV and celebs and eat grits and shrimp with lots of cheese!!! Thank you for sharing your beautiful life story

  3. Hello there, I just started reading your blog, found it through Her Bad Mother.
    Seriously, I’m loving it, definitely a great way to break up my work day.
    I’m still reading through the archives, I’ll catch up one day!

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