The Curious Case of Stewie and the Counter


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Okay, okay, so what we gonna talk about today??? Mama did one hunnerd thingies about her, but I CAN'T COUNT DAT HIGH! So we talk about one thing instead. What that thing?

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Dat thing is STEWIE, of course! Let Stewie tell you what Stewie has been doing lately. You know that mama broke herself, right? Of course you do. Everyone know dat. So these things in my house now.


See those things! Those metal big things. Those scary! Stewie don't LIKE them. So here's what Stewie do. He RUN AWAY from scary metal thingies and goes on COUNTER. Dat's right, the KITCHEN COUNTER. Oooooooh, Stewie isn't supposed to be up there. So naughty! Mahahahahaha! And Mama can't do aaaaaaaaaaaanything about it cause she's GIMPY MC CRIPPLED! Dat's funny, right there.


So I go "thump" on the counter and start licking the coffee pot OUCH!!! But I don't learn, no no no. I just keep lickin' that coffee pot, cause it's like my water place, only brown and HOT! Hot like FIRE!!! YAY!!!


Notice how there no pictures of Stewie on counter? Dat's cause Stewie is STEALTHY like NINJA! Also cause Mama can't get to her scary metal things in times to catch me, cause Stewie also quick like BUNNY. NINJA BUNNY!!!! Then mama YELL. She yell BAD WORDS, and you better call the cops right quick, cause she THREW AN ASPRIN BOTTLE AT STEWIE. Are you crying now? Crying like that Sarah McLachlan ASPCA ad? You should be. POOR STEWIE! Have to HIDE!!!

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Editor's Note: The bottle was empty, and I missed by a mile. Also he wasn't fazed by it at all, and jumped right back on the counter, which, hello, I CAN HEAR, because he might be a Ninja Bunny, but he's also FAT AS HELL, and the whole APARTMENT shakes when he jumps on something. 

MAMAAAAAAAAAAA, this STEWIE blog! You take another pill and be quiet, 'kay? Okay, so Stewie jump on counter and lick the brown water place of fire, and look for green olives and HOORAY, it is a GOOD TIME. And that's what Stewie do when Mama lie on couch and whiny whiny whinypants about her broken feets. 




The Curious Case of Stewie and the Counter — 6 Comments

  1. Yay Stewie! I love you, too! I loved hearing about when you “got borned” and stuff. Be a good boy, stay off the counter, and help your mama get better.

  2. Um, I think we should all be grateful that Stewie still has the strength and coordination to even JUMP onto the counter. That’s quite a feat, even if he is in the “Special Kitty Olympics”.

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