Ask The Stewie Hotline!

RING RING!!!!

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Zzzzzz. O HAI! Welcome to da STEWIE HOTLINE! Da Stewie Hotline has allllll the answers you needs. What would you like to ask da Stewie today? I woke up just for you, so it BETTER BE GOOD, HAHAHAHAAHA! What's dat? Ooooooooh, you wanna know if Stewie is CUDDLEBUG. You want to know if Stewie will snorgle up to you and give you sooooooooo many loves and cuddles and snugglies? Dat what you wanna know?

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Well da answer is NO!!! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!!!! I am NOT a snugglebug. I like to have snuggles by my OWN SELF. I am very very good at it. Stewie will snuggle NEAR you, but not WITH you. Nothing personal, Stewie just likes personal space. For his fatness. YAY!!!!\

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But Stewie tell you seeekrit. Come closer. Clooooooooser. Okay, Stewie whisper seekrit to you now. Do you wanna know who's a snugglebug? Who loooooooooooooves snuggling and head-butting and kisses and head scritchies and is a big purr-monster? Okay shhhh, DON'T TELL.

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CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?!!? Oooooh, she's gonna kill me for that one-

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Lies. KING OF LIES. I am NOT a snugglemonster, I am full of HATE. And RAGE. And PRIDE. I never, EVER snuggle or headbutt or…PURR. That would be undignified. Please, let me have my dignity. It's really all I have.

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Okay Lulasmell!!! We believes you (no we don't) that you never, EVER have snuggled or headbutted or purred with KISSES AND LOVES on the mama. No, DAT never happeneded. STEWIE'S MISTAKE!!!!

But let Stewie tell you a story. 

The other night, Mama was trying to sleep, and she had checked allllll da locks and the other things she checks cause she CRAZY AS LOON, and she was in the bed listening to the thingie with the ear thingies that I like to KNOCK OFF NIGHTSTAND BOOM! But anyways, Mama was all snuggly in bed and she feels on her forehead…*TAP TAP TAP* And Mama go…"Well that can't be good, it's all pointy and whacking me on the head!" And den again *TAP TAP TAP* so Mama open her eyes and see DIS.

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LOOKING FOR SNUGGLIES!!!! HAHAAHHAHAAHA!!! Okay, the end, Stewie in trubble now. BAI!!!!

Everything the idiot fat one said was a lie. A LIE. I have NEVER snuggled in my life, there is NO PROOF ANYWAY!

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DAMN!!!!


Comments

Ask The Stewie Hotline! — 4 Comments

  1. It’s OK, Lulu..your secret is safe with us.
    Love,
    Elaine and Albert.
    Dear Stewie-
    I have a question for you: How can I pass my math class without becoming even more insane? Is it true that cats have Seekrit Super Math Powers?

  2. Oh Stewie, you are so round and cute. I have question for you. How did you come to love the green olives so much? My felines ignore any non-meat and especially hate things that are pickled.

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