Okay, Jillian. We need to talk, you and I.
WHAT IS IT, GIMPY??? YOU THROUGH WHINING ABOUT YOUR WIDDLE FOOT???
Oh, that's just cold, Jillian. You know, I was really hurt. And not just by your words. Although your words, Jillian? Are very hurtful. No, I was hurt by your workout. I was on CRUTCHES, and YOU did that to me! What the hell, Jillian?
NOT MY FAULT. TELL THE PEOPLE IT WASN'T MY FAULT
Okay, FINE. Maybe I shouldn't have been doing it in bare feet, but you're not blameless in this. My dad's a coach, you know, and HE said that doing jumping jacks isn't really the greatest idea. You know who puts jumping jacks into her workout, Jillian? YOU DO.
YOU WANNA QUIT? GO AHEAD AND QUIT! LOSER!!!!
I'm not quitting, Jillian. You know, I've been doing Pilates during my healing process, and I've got to say, it's a very nice change of pace. You know what's not in Pilates, Jillian? Yelling. There is absolutely no yelling in Pilates.
PILATES?!?!!? WHY DON'T YOU JUST EAT ICE CREAM RIGHT OUT OF THE CONTAINER???
Well, that did occur to me as well. But I didn't! I did Pilates, and I enjoyed the calm pace of it, even though I was a bit…I mean, just a little…A smidge…
BORED??? YOU WERE BORED, JUST ADMIT IT!!!
Oh Jillian, I was SO bored. So bored! 45 minutes of Pilates is about seventeen years in attention span time, and OH GOD, the boredom. Will you…I mean, if I'm careful and all…Will you take me back?
I DON'T KNOW. ARE YOU GOING TO WHINE AND COMPLAIN???
No, Jillian, I promise. No whining or complaining. I won't even make fun of you on the blog.
THAT'S A LIE.
Fine, that's a lie. But I'll be good! I'll wear my brace, and I'll be careful with the cardio, and I won't eat the ice cream or the stinky pretzel bits. Just please take me back.
FINE. BUT YOU'RE GONNA WORK EXTRA HARD NOW, RIGHT??? YOU LITTLE WUSSY BABY???
Yes, Jillian. Thank you for taking me back. Extra hard, I promise. Just…Don't break any part of me again, please? That kind of sucked.
YOU ARE STRONG!! THIS IS EASY FOR YOU!! NO QUITTING!!!!
No quitting, Jillian, I promise.
AND WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF PILATES AGAIN, WILL WE.
No, Jillian. Thank you, Jillian.