Today on Iron Chef, the secret ingredient is CRAP THAT IS IN MISS BANSHEE'S FRIDGE! Let's get back to the action, shall we? Miss Banshee is up against Iron Chef Bobby "I suck like an Electrolux" Flay, and had this to say:
Miss Banshee: I can't believe I have to be up against goddamn B Flay. I HATE B Flay! I'm gonna tear him a new one, Chairman, and he can shove his squeezy bottles of jalepeno sauce right up it. God I hate him.
B Flay: Miss Banshee couldn't cook her way out of a pastry bag. I've got this one wrapped up. Oh? Yeah, I suck. I'm a terrible human being. Suck it, haters!
Miss Banshee: Okay, let's get to my first course. For you, I have a cup of coffee, no, sorry, a VAT of coffee with vanilla soy milk. To make it fancy, right? You should drink all of this right away, I wouldn't want you to have to take a nap in the middle of the battle. Here, I'll join you.
B Flay: I have some enchiladas with a squeezy bottle sauce. And a jalepeno. I'm creative!
Miss Banshee: For my second course, I have microwaved some pre-made chicken with taco sauce and cheese. I also have ANOTHER cup of coffee and a Parliament Light cigarette. These should be drunk and smoked simultaneously. Why, you're WELCOME. You're so nice, judges.
B Flay: I have a corn tortilla with some squeezy bottle stuff. And a shot of tequila. BOOYAH, Banshee!
Miss Banshee: Well played, B Flay. Too bad I will have to destroy you. Now, for the third course, I have another cup of coffee and my Nom Nom Nom Bean Thing, which I was gracious enough to share with the interwebs. Um, I hope you're not kissing anyone tonight. Just sayin. This is a meal that is best eaten alone. On the side, we have some stinky pretzel bits, and a Twinkie. Please enjoy!
B Flay: I have a taco. With squeezy bottle sauce.
Miss Banshee: Sucker. For our fourth course, we have the leftover mac and cheese I pilfered from my parents' house. I know, right? So good, and FREE! On the side we have another cup of coffee and a bag of salad with Greek dressing and goat cheese. You'll note that the salad is still in the bag, which makes for easy clean up. I call it "Miss Banshee's Lazy Salad In A Bag." You're WELCOME!
B Flay: I have a corn chip with some squeezy bottle sauce and another shot of tequila. But this one's mine.
Miss Banshee: And for our dessert course, we have some Ben and Jerry's right out of the container, another cup of coffee, and a Parliament Light. Aw, you're so sweet! I know, I know, it's awesome.
B Flay: I have some salmon ice cream, and another shot of tequila for me.
Chairman: And the winner IS!!!! MISS BANSHEE!!!!
B Flay: *sobs into his tequila*
Miss Banshee: *does a dance of victory and throws glitter at the judges*
Chairman: Tune in next week when Miss Banshee will eat gazpatcho for a week and then wonder why she lives on Tums and Pepto!