How Intense Is “Too Intense?”

Okay, here's something I can talk about, that sort of relates to what I CAN'T talk about. Y'all? Do you know what I get told all the time, like, ALL the time?

"Miss Banshee? You are SO intense. Like, you're a really, really intense, intimidating person. People are intimidated by you. You can be a scary, angry girl."

Excuse me for a moment…


Dudes, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard in my ENTIRE LIFE. I am the OPPOSITE of intimidating. I am scared of EVERYTHING. All things hurt my feelings, or make me feel like everyone hates me. I cry ALL THE TIME. Right now? Right now at this very SECOND? I'm so torn up inside by things that I very well could be making up in my own head that aren't actually happening at ALL, that I have HIVES. Hives. On my neck and face and chest. From stress that I made MY OWN SELF. 

Boo! How scary am I? (And incredibly attractive, yes? No.) 

Here's the thing. I AM intense. I have very intense emotions, and I usually keep them completely bottled up, so maybe I get crazy eyes sometimes and flare up like a broken gas stove. That's something one of my shrinks said once, that the gauge on my emotions is broken, and sometimes I just WHOOSH up and set your eyebrows on fire. Not that I've ever set my eyebrows on fire, or anyone else's. People, I just TALK about throwing lit matches at people who annoy me! I never DO it! Yet.

See? Too intense. But that's just me. The worst thing anyone ever said to me as I was grousing about not having a significant other in my life was that I was too intense and not a "normal girl."

A Normal Girl.

Well, FUCK NO, I'm not a normal girl! What the hell IS a normal girl, anyway? I am who I am, I do what I do, I feel what I feel. And some of it ain't pretty. But I'll tell you this much for free. My "intensity" makes me the most loyal, forgiving, loving, caring person I can possibly be. I love FIERCELY.  I would bleed out for the people I love without a second thought. I would run into a burning building to save a kitten. I would jump into a lake to rescue a kid. I'll never tell anyone your secrets. I'll hold you when you cry. I'll make you laugh. I'll hold your hand. I'll be the best person I can be, despite my myriad flaws. I'll try as hard as I can to be a good person.

I am not a scary girl. I'm just me. 



How Intense Is “Too Intense?” — 12 Comments

  1. What you are is awesome. In you I see what my daughter will be in 20 years and that makes me happy. You have been through it and come out the other side. More power to you!

  2. Look Miss B. Look and listen well. Who the fuck wants to be normal? Who wants to be like everyone else? You are perfect at being who you are and that’s why we love you. Screw any pansy-ass loser who thinks you’re not “normal” enough for a guy. The right guy is out there. You just haven’t found him yet is all. Or maybe you’ve met him but are letting your insecurities get in the way? I don’t know. All I know is anyone who doesn’t appreciate you exactly as you are isn’t worth your time. Period.
    As far as the hives go, one thing that works for me (and it sounds stupid and I totally stole it from Dharma and Greg) is the bubble method. With your hands, make a giant circle in the air. Imagine putting your worries in a big bubble. Then say “put it in a bubble, and bloooowww it away.” And then big breath in, then blow it away.
    If it helps any, I’ve been told I intimidate women, and men are afraid I have an ice-pick under the bed. WTF?

  3. Wow, Miss Banshee– you sound a bit like me. Although my husband calls it “high strung”. It seems to run in the family. A friend like you wouldn’t scare me– I have too many “normal” friends with mortgages/families and they are so caught up in their normalness that you have to make appointments a month in advance to see them. BTW, I adore Vh1 and you are welcome to watch it with me and enjoy a lovely assortment of non-Jillian-approved snacks when you can get to my little corner of the Crappy Midwest.
    I’m feeling rather crappy myself– maybe something’s in the air or we all have growing pains. Or our meds need to be adjusted.

  4. OK, you? I seriously kinda adore. I think we’d be pretty decent friends in the world, and after I wiped away the tears that crop up as I’m driving to work or while I’m asking the nice lady at the convenience store how much my pop refill is, and seriously WTH?!, I’d ask if we could hang out

  5. I get that all the time, too. All of it. “Normal” scares me, it really does. If I were “normal” I would DIE from the boredom.
    This is one of your best posts yet. It’s a relief to read something, jump up and down and with characteristic intensity yell,”OMFG! That is me! Right there! That’s me!”

  6. I have to agree with all the above. I think you are fab (even though we have never met) and a lot braver than you think you are. And those flaws? Ya. We all have ’em, and they are what make us who we are.
    So if you ever want to come to the, well you just look me up and you can hang with my “not normal” self and just as “not normal” friends who I would walk across hot coals for.

  7. I’ve been there…I do that…I’ve had folks tell me that no guy would be able to put up with my oddities.
    They were wrong.
    He is the calmness to my intensity. At times when I finally flare up from bottling things inside, he somehow is able to put out the flames. (And I totally think he might be flame resistant or something) It took me a long time and through quite a few who couldn’t understand me or handle me, but eventually I found him.
    Oh and he’s made me do this weird thing, talk about things instead of bottling it all up. Yeah, somehow he can tell when I start holding things in and gets me to let them out early.
    I’m still me, I just have less flaring moments. 😉
    However, I still have the urge to punch people in the throat. I have yet to do it, but the urge is there. Especially for those who are willfully ignorant. This is one thing that makes me wonder if I’m cut out to be a Professor one day. The willfully ignorant seem to be multiplying, having willfully ignorant offspring, who may end up in a class that I’d be teaching. And well, then I don’t know if I could handle not punching them in the throat. Hmmmm…need to look into tenured positions and how much protection they give. 😉

  8. I think you might be the East coast sister I never knew I had.
    I once asked my guy friends why I was single and the #1 comment was: you are intense & really intimidating. Then I got a whole round of how I was not a normal girl, and they just didn’t know what to do with me. The word enigma might have been thrown at me at some point. To which I laughed, cos I thought they were joking. They weren’t. I think I later threatened to punch them all in the dick for saying something like that. Then they were all “see? not normal!”
    You know what, I am not normal. I have had some guys who I’ve known since high school actually tell me things like: you are the most independant, intense, fully realized person I have ever met, and I’ve never met anyone like you since. Which I take as a compliment. People do say that once I get under your skin I’m impossible to get rid of (I have an inbox full of emails from ex-boyfriends who are now married who tell me as such). So I see that as a good thing. Granted I am apparently so volitile that no one wants to stick it out, thus we break up and they end up marrying a “normal” girl.
    I am convinced eventually someone will come along who can take it as well as deal it, who can calm me down, and let me freak out, someone who will love me for the mess that I am, and who will really appreciate my inner monster (cos occasionally I have to let her out). I think that these things are possible for you too. Don’t give up, never surrender and stay your awesome quirky self. If anything some day we can open a retirement home for awesome intense quirky girls (cos I am so not a woman) and it will be full of kitties and action figures and twinkies… (cos that’s a world I want to live in!)

  9. Amen to all this! Normal IS boring. Like complete snoozeville. None of my friends are “normal” and neither is my boyfriend. Oh yes – that’s right. As evidenced by all the above posts – us “un-normal” girls? We can get our guy. Sure, just yesterday his roommate said that I scared him. Like all the time. Do I care? Not so much. I’d rather be the person scaring the crap outta everyone rather than the girl that gets used as a doormat thankyouverymuch. Stay strong!

  10. Miss Banshee,
    You are the coolest girl I know. I totally heart you. And Stewie, I totally heart Stewie too. Don’t change a thing.

  11. I wish you still lived in my neck of the woods as I am sure we would get along like PB&J!!! Big hugs and big props for being asskicking and wonderful

  12. It’s all a matter of perspective: You’re not intense; they’re just not committed. This is a big, passionate planet and it needs awesome people like yourself and those above to keep it interesting.

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