Scene: Bathroom, scowling at self in mirror
Me: *scratch scratch scratch* What is this? did a cat poke me whilst I slumbered? What is this red mark on my neck?
Common Sense: It's probably just irritated. Don't touch it.
Me: Huh. *scratch scratch scratch*
Common Sense: I'd really be better off talking to the actual walls around here.
Me: *scratch scratch scratch*
Common Sense: Stop DOING that! We don't know what it is, but I bet you eleventy million dollars that scratching it isn't the best thing to do!
Me: What? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm too busy being depressed. Depressed and itchy. *scratch*
Common Sense: *rolls eyes* Fine, have it your way. But don't come crying to me when-
Common Sense: -when you look in the mirror.
Me: DISEASE! LEPROSY! My parts are going to start falling off! Oh, my poor parts.
Common Sense: I told you not to scratch. You need some Benedryl and hydrocortisone cream.
Me: Nah, it's fine.
Common Sense: You are a very, very bad person. To yourself. Fine, enjoy your leprosy.
Common Sense: It's worse, isn't it.
Common Sense: Hydrocortisone cream. And Benedryl.
Me: I need to consult the internet.
The Internet: Hydrocortisone cream and Benedryl.
Common Sense: I love the internet.
Me: Perhaps I should get some hydrocortisone cream and Benedryl. OOooh! But first, I need to Google "unexplained rash" and figure out what fatal disease I have.
Common Sense: I don't think that's really the best thing-
Common Sense: -to do, cause you'll freak out.
Me: The internet says I have shingles, chicken pox, measles, a blood disorder and leprosy. Also I'm dying from scarlet fever and rubella.
Common Sense: I hate the internet.
Common Sense: WHOA.
Me: I, um…I think it's time to get some Benedryl. And hydrocortisone cream.
Common Sense: I'll drive.