And I Hear There Was a Sporting Event Too

Question! Who likes football? Anyone? Oh, so glad you asked. I do NOT care about football. All I can deduce from the whole thing is that a bunch of extremely large men in big shoulderpads and helmets run around for a couple of seconds and then fall down. And there's a ball. That's about it. But there was the Super of Bowls this weekend, and WHOA BOY lemme tell you something about THAT!

I didn't care.

Sorry! I didn't even care about the commercials. I CARED about eating steak and snackies and chocolate chip cookies, which is a RULE you need to FOLLOW in my family on the day of the Superest of Bowls. So I trucked on over to my parents house for free food. Cause that's the dance I do.

So of course, there was conversation in the ol' Banshee house, and I'll just give you some snippets. Guess who said these things:

"What's wrong with my wine?"
"The cap is still on, dear."

"Can I turn the grill on yet?"
"No."
"How about now?"
"NO."
"It needs to be HOT. Hot for STEAKS."
"NOT YET, DAMMIT."
"Now? Now. I'm turning the grill on now."

"Cookie."
"No cookies. Steak first."
"COOKIE. For STRENGTH."
"No goddamn cookies before dinner."
"I need a cookie. Can I have a cookie?"
"No."
"I'm getting a cookie."
"Why do I even bother talking to you damn people? Where's my wine?"

"Um, the dog is about to run headfirst into the door."
BLAMMO!
"Idiot."
"Asshole."
"Dingbat."
"Shithead."

Here's a hint. When Mom = wine, Dad = grill; hotness of, Banshee = cookies, and Dog = Asshole, solve for X when X=Superbowl Sunday.

Is it freaking baseball season yet? PLEASE???

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Comments

And I Hear There Was a Sporting Event Too — 1 Comment

  1. You have forgotten the only wonderful part about football – those muscular running backs in those ridiculous spandex PANTS. When else can men wear SHINY, knee-length spandex? Have you looked at their rears; those rock hard butts and thighs? Pure poetry. AND if you talk about that enough while in the company of heterosexual male companions – they will NEVER make you watch football again 😉

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