Vegas: The Airport of Doom Part The First

I don't know if y'all are aware of this, but Vegas is a very long way away from New Jersey. And I had to get there via an airplane all by myself with nary a Xanax in sight. There was no way that this would end well, but the EXTENT of the clusterfuck that ensued was extraordinary. Behold:

In order to get to the airport, I woke up at 3:30 AM on Friday. My dad drove me to the train (thanks, Dad!) and at 4:40 AM I got on the commuter rail to NYC. There were a surprising amount of people on the train, to tell you the truth. I find that sick and wrong. Trip Difficulty Level: 3 out of 10. Number of Red Bull Magnums consumed: 1.

After the train came the subway. I had to get to Jamaica, Queens in order to get the shuttle to the airport. In trying to find the correct subway (you have to go uptown to get to Queens from Penn Station, did you know that? I didn't) I used up an entire 7 dollar Metrocard trying to get my bag through the turnstile, had a COP tell me the wrong directions, and almost fell asleep standing up on the train, and bonked myself with my carry-on at least fourteen times. Trip Difficulty Level: 7 out of 10. Red Bull Magnums consumed: 0, as I could barely stand up on the train, much less consume a beverage.

After the subway came the tram to the airport. This part was easy. Trip Difficulty Level: 2 out of 10, Red Bull Magnums consumed: 1.

The airport! I was at the airport!!!!! Check in at kiosk. Get on security line. Told that bag was too big and to go check it. Check bag. Get back on security checkpoint line. Go through security. Have Red Bull Magnum confiscated. Weep. Do strip tease to get through security. Wish I had worn bra. Walk in socks. Smile brightly at the nice people who hold my travel in their hands. Collect all items, re-dress, re-apply shoes, mourn Red Bull. Cling onto boarding pass like a rhesus monkey. Trip Difficulty Level: 5, Red Bull Magnums confiscated: 1.

Go to gate. Replenish caffeine supply. Curse airport's lack of Red Bull. Procure coffee, two Coke Zeros. Sit at gate. Snooze. Trip difficulty: 1. Caffeinated beverages purchased: 3.

OH THEN IT GETS FUN. And by FUN I mean NIGHTMARISH. But that's another post for another day.


Trains, trams and automobiles taken to simply get to airport: 4

Red Bull Magnums consumed: 3

Red Bull Magnums confiscated: 1

Various other caffienated beverages purchased and consumed: 3.

People? It wasn't even 9:00 AM yet.



Vegas: The Airport of Doom Part The First — 3 Comments

  1. Often one must also take off bulky jackets or sweaters and the like, down to your bottom layer or at least relatively close fitting to see your outline. They need to make sure you aren’t smuggling birds in your pants or the like.

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