When we last visited Miss Banshee at her new home, the fucking airport, The old man had just whacked poor Harvey in the head. This was met with explosive laughter from all my new bestie friends, the abandoned passengers of Flight 624, and okay, I might have laughed too. Airport security was in full force, with one lone security guard grunting "hey!" at the perpetrator, whom I will now call Stanley. So Stanley stared down Harvey, who I was now thinking perhaps had a busted eardrum from the whack Stanley gave him (seriously, it was a HARD smack) because now he was ignoring his wife AND Stanley, which made Harvey awesome in my eyes. He was the zen master. Zen Master Harvey!!!
So it was at this point that the departure time changed again. This time to 5:00 pm. Everyone started screaming at this juncture. Everyone lost their DAMN MINDS. I was, at this point, entertaining two girls who were going to Vegas to celebrate their 21st birthdays, but that conversation is best left for another time. When the time was switched to 5, I stated the following:
"I don't care anymore. I'll go through security again. I DON'T CARE. I am going to have a cigarette and I do not care. If I don't have a cigarette, I will start punching senior citizens as well. I'm out of here."
So I went downstairs. I, of course, did not have a lighter, as it was confiscated the first time I went through security. I stomped over to the newspaper stand and said the following to the unsuspecting cashier.
"I know you have matches. I know you're not supposed to give them to people. You MUST GIVE ME THE MATCHES. I just witnessed fisticuffs between senior citizens and I now live here at the airport. If you do not let me smoke, I will fling myself on the ground and have the biggest tantrum EVER. Give me the matches, I am BEGGING YOU."
She gave me the matches.
After smoking the best cigarette of my life, I returned to the security checkpoint and strolled through the line. After I had done so, the incredibly unamused attendant stated that I had just walked through wearing my hoodie and my shoes, and to please come back and do the striptease again. I complied, my will to live shattered.
I returned to the terminal of DOOOOOOM and saw my fellow passengers walking. WALKING AWAY!!! I howled at no one in particular "WAIT A MINUTE, WHERE ARE WE GOING!?!?!?" I was then informed that there was a new plane!!!! A plane leaving at 3:00!! And WE were getting on that plane!!!!
I had never been so happy in my life.
To be continuuuuuuuuuuuued…
Glassy eyed WOE.