Rebuilding: An Open Letter

To Anyone, Anywhere, Who is Rebuilding Their Life:

You are awesome. No, no, don't roll your eyes. You are AWESOME. No one is going to ever know what you are going through, how huge getting up in the morning sometimes is. They just don't get it. And that's wicked unfair, and might make you want to cry all day, or scream and rage, and you know what? That's okay too. DO it. Cry your eyes out. Punch a pillow and pretend it's someone else. Hell, punch a pillow and pretend it's you. Do what you need to do.

Don't hurt yourself. You've already been through so much. You're rebuilding, and that doesn't take a day, it doesn't take ANY kind of time frame. It is what it is, and it'll take as long as it needs to. That's okay! Whether it's a divorce, a breakup, an addiction, a mental illness, a death…These are enormous things, and anyone who says "get over it" or "snap out of it" doesn't get it. They just don't get it.

A broken heart. That can come in many forms, yes? Yes. You're better than that. You're going to pull through, cause that's what you deserve. No one is going to be harder on you than you are on yourself. People can wax poetic about how you have to hurry up and heal, come on, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, he's not worth it, she's not worth it, the person who died or had to leave wouldn't want you to feel this way, all of it. All the rah rah bullshit cheerleading. They mean well. They do, even if it makes you feel worse. They don't know. They just don't get it.

A broken heart will heal. YOU will heal. It might take longer than you want, longer than seems possible, but you WILL HEAL. And man, if someone is holding you back from that? Ditch them. Do it. They're not worth it, they're an emotional vampire, sucking the will to live out of you. Get rid of them.

Oh god, it's hard. It's so hard. But you CAN do it. You will. And it will take as long as it needs to. Don't blame yourself. "But it's my fault!" Maybe you did do something. Maybe you didn't. But it's your heart we're talking about. And you owe it to yourself to take care of yourself.

Take care of yourself. Eat that pint of ice cream. Stay in bed for a week if you have to. Do what you need to do, just don't give up. Don't hurt yourself. Rebuild. Live. Those people who love you will be there. And those people who don't? Who hurt you, who made you cry and rage and scream to the sky "Why, why, WHY???" They're going to still exist in your heart. But you're going to rebuild. You are. Because you? Are worth it. Your happiness is worth it. Your health is worth it. Your life is worth it.

My heart is broken today. And it will be tomorrow. And words and actions and inactions will stay. They'll stay in my broken heart. But I got up today. I stood up, I washed the tear streaks off my face, and I'll carry on. Broken, but not forever. Down, but I'll get up. So will you. Yes, you will. Yes, I will.

Hold on. Just hold on.


Rebuilding: An Open Letter — 9 Comments

  1. I was about to DM you because of some of your tweets today, but thank God I’ve got more room here to write. šŸ˜‰
    You are a mothereffing rock star, MB. Seriously? I only know you through Twitter and this here blog, but I know that I’d like to know you in the real life. Your strength and sass amaze.
    Lovely post.

  2. Oh, my friend. I’m someone who has to remember to hold on, every day, and twice on Sundays. And people like you, with the strength and courage and will of three people, make it easier for me to do it. You are someone I look up to, and you remind me that I am not alone. You are not alone. I hold on, even when I’m just holding on to myself. And if I was there, I would hold on to you, so that you would know you aren’t alone. Keep fighting the good fight, sister.

  3. It sounds trite but someone told me something the other day that made me pause and go “WOW,your right”
    Yesterday is the past
    Tomorrow is the future,BUT
    Today is a present which is the best gift of all
    makes me stop and think they are right
    Hang in there buttercup,each day is a huge trial but one that will be won and tommorrow is something new to look forward to.I am sending big ole internet luvs…

  4. I’ve got a five-gallon tub of ice cream in my freezer right now. I am not kidding. If you were here, I wouldn’t even growl at you when you eyeballed it. In fact, I’d give you the first spoonful. I’ve been feeling very dark lately…I think this calls for chocolate syrup on the ice cream.
    So totally dig you…

  5. I echo Kris’ sentiments above. You don’t know me from adam but I read your posts here and on twitter and you bring a welcome smile to my days…You are a tough woman and I greatly admire you.

  6. I agree completely with Gina and Kris’ sentiments; I only ‘know’ you through this blog, but I wish I had half the inner strength that you have. You give me hope that I will “rebuild” and if you were here right now, I’d give you the biggest hug you ever thought imaginable.

  7. As someone who’s been in the gutter and crawled out, you rock! The journey back can be tough, but in the end you’ll find you are better for it. Those who don’t “get it” will never have the strength and insight to life you have. I’m glad I found your blog, you inspire me and make me laugh, things I need in this life.

  8. I’ve wanted to comment since you hit your one year soberversary, but couldn’t think of anything cool enough to say. I’ll just say this: Good for you! Great job done! Keep fighting the good fight.
    I found your blog when my sister was about three months into her own recovery and you have helped me enormously. I’m directing her to this post right now–you’ve so eloquently said exactly what I’d want her to hear.
    Thanks for all the great writing–especially the cat comments!

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