I am grumpy. Grouchy. Cranky. Pissed off and morose. But no one wants to hear about that, because this blog is supposed to be all jazz hands and rousing choruses of "Let Me Entertain YOOOOOOOOOOU" so I'm going to try to bring it for ya, folks, because I've been told by VERY sweet and kind people that I am adorable when I get cranky. Witness:
Cats: sit quietly, snoozing for England, snoring merrily.
Me: Shut up, cats.
Television: Here is your Top Chef! Here is what's going on with "Lost!" "Next week, on As The World Turns!"
Me: Shut up, TV.
OH! And let me tell you something while I'm at it, LOST. When are we? WHEN ARE WE? Because the whole "where are we" and "what in the name of God's tightie whities is GOING ON HERE" and "Who is that?" and all is old news. We're never going to find out, I GET IT, and do you KNOW how long it took me to catch up through ALL the past seasons so I could watch it in real time? Do you know? A long time, that's how long. And now I sit on the couch, brain THROBBING, wailing to exactly no one "WHEN ARE WE???" When in the time-space continuum ARE WE? This show requires math and science, and I was promised there would be no math and science. ARGH.
What else is making me mad???!?!?!
Oh! SHUT UP, BBC viewers who hate on a CHILDREN'S TV HOST. Here's my latest for MamaPop about THAT.
Me: Shut UP, cats.
And shut up, 2 A-holes across the courtyard who dress your two yappy lap dogs in matching pink sweaters for the winter, and shut up stupid cockroach phone things you ALWAYS have in your ears and shut up when you ignore me and SHUT UP, OMG.
And shut up, things that make me sad. I'm SICK of being sad. I want it to STOP. So all of that? Can shut right the fuck up.
AM I DONE????? Yes, I think I'm done. Ahem. Sorry about that.