O HAI!!!! Mama is busy having a stomach virus, so STEWIE decide to write blog today! What will we talk about, innerwebbie peeples? You look so PRETTY today! Pretty like princess. Stewie mean it. No, Stewie wasn't looking at your butt, but it look great TOO. Stewie want to BITE IT. Nom!!! YAY BUTTS!!!
Hello humans. I am going to interject here before the idiot fat one starts ranting about your asses. Honestly, the lack of dignity around this place is incredibly absurd. I would like to take this time to discuss some events that have occurred around this hovel in which I am forced to live. Such as! Did you know that the human female had her "friends" descend upon my home this past weekend? I do not believe for one moment that these "friends" were not paid richly for visiting all the way from Boston just to see the human female. They were obviously bribed, or were told that they would be in MY presence. It's really the only explanation.
LOOKIT STEWIE!!! Stewie is looking handsome, yes? Handsome for LADIES. Hello ladies!!! Pretty ladies come visit STEWIE, give him lots of attention and loving and GREEN OLIVES OH BUDDY. Stewie LOVE the ladies. Come back any time, pretty ladies, and bring Stewie more olives!
Once again you see the utter torment I am forced to endure. Enough about the houseguests. Let Lulu tell you a grand story about the human female. You recall that she can't sleep without listening to those audiobooks, correct? Well remembered. So she was listening to one of those Harry Potter books because she is all about culture and age-appropriate books, and of course she fell asleep. Fast forward to 3 AM, wherein she woke up straight out of the bed and yelled something about getting the invisibility cloak because the Death Eaters were coming, and then clotheslined herself with the headphones wire. This is what I have to put up with. Please come adopt me. Now.