So when Captain Awesome came to visit last week, I picked him up at the local train station, and had to wait about five minutes for the train to come in.
Me: Well, I have to park the car, because I can't park in front of the stupid station or I'll get a ticket.
The World: No matter where you park, you're going to get a ticket.
Me: Absurd! People PARK at the train station. To take the TRAIN.
The World: Those people have permits. What do you not have?
Me: A permit?
The World: A PERMIT. You have to park somewhere else. Try the post office.
Me: OH NO. The police are always at the post office. I'm smart. I will NOT park at the post office, the police will not give me a ticket. I can't get a ticket. I cannot afford a ticket. So I'll park WAAAAAAAAY at the end of the lot. Inconspicuous!
The World: Your Kia. All alone at the end of the lot. With no permit. Yeah, that's as inconspicuous as leprosy. You do that, dipshit.
Me: I'm smart. I went to SCHOOL. This will not be a problem.
The World: You're going to prison.
So I park aaaaaaaaaall the way at the end of the lot, pick up Captain Awesome, and walk back to the car. Estimated time of parking? Five minutes, tops. Upon returning to the car, I see something beige and paper-like sticking out of my windshield wiper.
Capt. Awesome: You got a ticket.
Capt. Awesome: Why did you get a ticket? This is a parking ticket. You have to pay this.
Me: Five minutes! End of the lot! NOT FAIR, WAH!
Capt. Awesome: You don't have a permit. You can't park without a permit. I don't even live here and I know that.
Capt. Awesome: Permit, dippy.
So I scowl at the ticket for a week.
Me: I don't want to pay you.
Ticket: You have to pay me. You wouldn't do well in prison.
Me: I don't DESERVE YOU.
Ticket: You? Don't want to go to prison.
Me: They won't throw me in prison for this! I ran a red light and didn't even get a ticket!
Ticket: That's because you cried.
I finally go to pay the ticket, scowling all the way. Here it comes. A parking ticket. Oh the shame! I'll probably be in handcuffs with the quickness. I don't want to go to prison! I'm DELICATE, DAMMIT!
Nice lady: Hi! How can I help you today?
Me: *sulk* I have a parking ticket. I go willingly! I throw myself on the mercy of the court! Don't send me to the chair, I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!
Nice lady: That will be 17 dollars. *smiles*
Me: Seven…teen dollars? That's it? No handcuffs? No strip search?
Nice lady: Seventeen dollars, please.
Me: Oh. Well…that was anti-climactic.
The World: You are such a drama queen. Throw her in jail just to teach her a lesson! A LESSON IN PAIN.
Me: Oh hush, world. I'm DELICATE.