*You've been invited to video chat with: The Professor*
The Professor: Hey! I'm having the weirdest conversation with a former student of mine.
Me: Oh yeah? Why is it so weird?
The Prof: I think he's a homicidal maniac.
The Prof: Dead serious over here.
Me: Oh. Not "Ha?"
The Prof: Not "Ha."
Me: Eeeps. Well, what are you asking him?
The Prof: Oh you know, if he's training to be a terrorist.
Me: NOT FUNNY, DUDE.
The Prof: Like I said, dead serious over here.
*conversation continues, but is way not funny, so we'll skip ahead*
The Prof: Woo, that was weird. I feel weird about that.
Me: Well, it's probably quite harmless, I mean, I don't really think he'd–
The Prof: BAT!!!!
Me: B-at? What about a bat?
The Prof: BAT! There's a bat in here!!!
Me: Is this symbolic? Like talking to that student was like having a bat to the head? Are you stoned? What is going on with the bats? Aluminum or wood?
The Prof: There is a bat. In my apartment. Flying around!
Me: A BAT?!?!! Why didn't you SAY so??? A BAT???
The Prof: I gotta go deal with this bat.
*The Professor has left video chat*
Me: (continuing to yell, and type, to exactly NO ONE) Don't touch it! You'll get the RABIES!!! Bats have GERMS! You're gonna get a GERM!!! Oh my god, don't let it BITE YOU, you'll be Nosferatu! This is so bad, who gets a BAT in their APARTMENT, what the hell is it with Syracuse anyway??? Are you literally living in a CAVE? Kill it! NO WAIT. Don't kill it! The germs will get everywhere, you'll be smothered in rabies, oh my god, you're Nosferatu now, I can just tell, stay away from my NECK I want to LIVE!!!
*The Professor has joined video chat*
The Prof: Bat's dead!
Me: DON'T TOUCH IT, NOSFERATU!
The Prof: What in the name of…
Me: A germ! You'll get a germ! Don't touch it!
The Prof: I'm thinking of drying it.
The Prof: You know, it's small. I could dry it and put it on my mantle.
Me: Oh, you're a taxidermist now? Get RID of it, just don't touch it, oh, germs galore!
The Prof: Oh, it's not quite dead yet.
Me: I'm going to pass out.
The Prof: Okay, it has a severed spinal column now.
Me: I don't know if this little event is sexy or I should run screaming.
The Prof: You stopped making sense a LONG time ago.
Me: Shaddap, Nosferatu.