Me: Mr. Outside Cat, I think we need to talk. There are intruders in our humble development, our HOME, Mr. Outside Cat, and I think your safety and well being might be in danger. I know my sanity is.
Mr Outside Cat: Mow?
Me: Try to focus, Mr. Outside. There has been an INVASION.
Mr. Outside Cat: MOW?!?!?
Me: No, no, not zombies. Not YET, anyway. What we have…What we have is worse. Mr. Outside? We have WOO GIRLS.
Mr. Outside Cat: Mow? MOW!
Me: I know, I know. It's worse than we thought. I saw them moving in the other day. They were wearing all the woo-wear, and they had their Yah Dude boyfriends with them.
Mr. Outside Cat: Moooooooow.
Me: Yeah, the "Juicy" velour pants, the college sweatshirt, but PERFECT hair, giggling and woo-ing while their white-baseball capped, too-big cargo shorts wearing, Dave Matthews t-shirt sporting boyfriends lugged the woo-belongings into the apartment.
Mr. Outside Cat: Mow. Mow mow mow.
Me: I don't blame you, I'd move too, if I could. Anyway, steer clear of the Woo-apartment, because they might put a sweater on you and a tiara.
Mr. Outside Cat: M…ow?
Me: Pink isn't your color, don't even consider it.
Mr. Outside Cat: Mow. Mow? Mow.
Me: I know, I know. They're not our kind of people. They were popular in high school. They made fun of people like us. Their boyfriends beat up our male counterparts. We can't trust the Woo, Mr. Outside. Can't trust them as far as we can throw them. They were cheerleaders when we were drama geeks. They were pretty when we were painfully awkward. They are the embodiment of our deep-rooted angst that never really heals from high school. I hate the Woo-girls, Mr. Outside. I hate everything that they represent, because it reminds me of who I used to be, and who I still am on the inside. I dunno, Mr. Outside, I wouldn't blame you if you went to live with the nuns full time, I really wouldn't. I'd rather live with the nuns than deal with the Woo. But I'll just keep the shades closed.
Mr. Outside Cat: Mow. Mow Mow Mow.
Me: I love you too, Mr. Outside. But I'm still not feeding you. And DON'T go over there looking for food, they'll probably make you do a beer bong. And I care about you too much to let that happen.
Mr. Outside Cat: Mow…MOW.
Me: Tough love, baby, tough love. Avoid the Woo, I hear it's contagious.
Mr. Outside Cat: Mow.
Never a Woo-Girl.