This Is Not An April Fools Post

No really, it isn't. I don't celebrate April Fools', which is kind of pointless, really, since my issue with it is that I don't like to be tricked, and that doesn't stop other people from doing so, right? So it's a moot issue, but my POINT IS, don't try to do anything mean to me today. Seriously. And don't tell me something that my gullible ass will believe, either. Because I will. You know the person who falls for "The word 'gullible' is written on the ceiling?" That's me. I will look. Because I am gullible. Also? An ass. So don't tell me you're pregnant, or that you just realized that you have an undeveloped twin growing inside your pinky finger, or for the LOVE OF LITTLE APPLES send me that goddamn Ghost Car video, because I will cry. I'm sensitive like that. A delicate flower. A fragile snowflake.

And the bodies will hit the floor, let me tell you.

Instead, let's talk about something else. Let's talk about how The Professor is already getting to figure me out, because there's nothing more frightening than being in close contact with a blogger, and dudes? He lives in fear that I will blog about things. Funny things. Okay, things I find funny, but he describes as embarrassing, humiliating, I have a reputation, I'm a PROFESSOR, etc etc etc.

*The Professor says something*
The Prof: Don't blog about that.
Me: Dude, I'm not going to blog about that.
The Prof: Don't Twitter about it.
Me: No blog. No Twitter. Promise.
The Prof: Grrrr.
Me: I'm gonna blog about this conversation.
The Prof: Of course you are.

Because I love to SHARE. Sharing is caring, right? Right. So last night, we were video chatting, and it got to be WICKED late, and so we said our goodnights, and I went straight away, not to bed, but to deal with something regarding MamaPop. Okay, that was a lie. I was looking for Snarky Amber, my heterosexual life partner. She wasn't online, even when I bellowed at the computer "Amber! Come to me, I NEED you!" So I was all set to go to bed, as soon as I checked Facebook, Twitter, my email, and whatever was on Food Network that night. An IM pops up.

The Professor: You're up talking about me to Amber, aren't you?
Me: NO!
The Prof: Liar.
Me: No, absolutely not. I'm dealing with something for work.
The Prof: With Amber.
Me: No, not with Amber.
The Prof: Lies. Queen of lies.
Me: I can't find her.
The Prof: Poor baby. My dignity lives another day.

Sharing is caring, people. And if I overshare? Just remember, I could have sent you "Ghost Car."

Seriously, don't send me "Ghost Car." Bodies. Floor. Hitting.

Happy Wednesday, everyone! And remember, I'm a delicate flower.

Would you April Fool this face? THE ANSWER IS NO.


This Is Not An April Fools Post — 6 Comments

  1. I’m no prankster, mainly because I can’t pull them off due to my inability to keep a straight face, but I’m not a fan of April Fool’s Day, either. It’s like on Buffy, when the vampires stayed in on Halloween. pfft. Amateurs. I do funny shit EVERY DAY, dude. I don’t need a special day to celebrate it.
    I hate those ‘Scary stuff jumps out at you’ emails, too. Those are just mean.

  2. Those emails where stuff jumps out at me will cause ear splitting screams and mayham to befall me.THEN,when I get my stuff together,a long,lingering,very,very painful body punch to womever has freaked me out…So not frigging funny

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