The Red Sox Fan in Yankee Country

Y'all? it's hard out there for a Red Sox fan. Not in New England, of course, but everywhere else? Shunned! Shunned like the Amish! That shit just ain't right.

Now, let me explain. I love the Red Sox in theory. I know next to NOTHING about baseball, other than the basic rules, and I don't know about things like players' names or the management team or anything like that. All I know is that I lived in Boston, and once you've lived in Boston, something happens with the dirty water and you become a Sox fan. I'd call myself a rabid fan, but that would be redundant, since there is no such thing as a non-rabid Sox fan. We're insane. It's true.

And part of that insanity is to hate, HATE HATE HATE the Yankees. We hate them. We hate everything about them. We hate their ass faces. Why? Um…because of the Curse? The curse that the Yankees held over our heads for a gajillion years that we would never win the World Series, never never never, and then we DID, HAHAHAHAAHHA and everyone knows where they were when that happened.

(I was almost asleep on the nasty mattress on the floor that I slept on for two years, in Allston, with my ex, another rabid fan, but he had fallen asleep already. Old. Old and frail we all are.)

But now I live in the great and powerful state of New Jersey, and there are just as rabid (but not as good looking) Yankee fans here. Sigh. So deluded. But I go about my day without thinking about the Yankees, and I would hope they would do the same for my beloved Sox.

Oh, but I can't leave well enough alone, CAN I??? No, I cannot. So I wear my Sox cap, with the pride of the Red Sox nation. And dialogue like this happens:

Me: I'd like a sloppy joe with roast beef, please.
Deli Guy: We don't serve Red Sox fans. Take off the hat.
Me: Wha…at? Um, haha?
Deli Guy: Take off the hat or no sandwich for you.
Me: Give me the sandwich and no one gets hurt.

(in grocery store)
Me: *wheels cart innocently down aisle*
Old Dude: WHOA!!! *turns to old lady* WATCH OUT!!!
Me: Buh?
Old Dude: WE GOT A SOX FAN!!! STEER CLEAR!!!
Me: You're blocking my Twinkies.

(in parking lot)
Me *walk walk walk*
Car Containing Yah Dude: *HOOOOOOOOOONK*
Me: *has fatal stroke*
Yah Dude: SOX SUUUUUUUUCK!!!
Me: Well, that was unkind.

But screw em all! I know I'm in enemy territory, but I will continue to wear my Sox cap with pride, fuck the haters. I just hope that I don't actually get run OVER by a car, or a shopping cart, in the future.

But at least I'll have my sandwich, dammit.

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Comments

The Red Sox Fan in Yankee Country — 8 Comments

  1. There is suppose to be a Red Sox bar in the Village.
    My cousin, new boyfriend is a Yankee’s fan, has decided that she hates Boston. Now, I object to this for two reasons. One, she’s never actually been to Boston. Two I know more about the Yankees starting lineup than she does. I got her back by photoshopping a picture of her with a dude wearing a red sox sux t-shirt. Four years of architecture school and my greatest work is photoshopping my yankee-lovin cousin into a Yankees sux t-shirt and yankee-hater hat and posting it on my Myspace page.

  2. Reminds me of wearing anything Red Wings while in Chicago territory – they don’t take to kindly to Wings fans in those parts!

  3. oh, Miss Banshee … if the lovely and wonderful Snarky Amber were not already your hetero lifemate, i would totally want to be yours. for i, too, am a “displaced” red sox fan in enemy territory — my very own SISTER is marrying a DAMNED YANKEE FAN, if you can imagine the INDIGNITY! oh, the HUMANITY! — and i know whereof you speak.
    so, tell me: are you still accepting applications for stalkers? because i would like to be yours. pretty please, with unicorns.
    (oh, and you OF COURSE are right about red sox fans being v. v. good-looking … i managed to bag my very own. SCORE!)

  4. Trashing other teams is a fine old tradition. Of course out here on the left coast, we hate both the Sox and the Yankees, though the Sox probably a bit more. No, the Yankees. No, they BOTH suck.
    Here we have the Angels/Dodgers hate. I went to an interleague game at Dodgers stadium and there were real honest-to-God brawls. It was weird. I’m just an old hippie chick, going “Dang, people, it is a F***ing game, sit down and eat your garlic fries.” Can’t we all just get along?

  5. It was my first summer/fall living in Savannah when the Sox broke the curse. It was extremely hard not being in NE, taking part in the celebration. I watched them win – on my couch. Alone. Not even the cat was here yet.
    On the other hand, most people think it’s cool I am a fan. I had one guy pull up next to me, leaving the grocery store parking lot, roll down his window and tell me he liked my license plate holder (Red Sox).
    They’re like that here.

  6. I live in Chicago and hate the Yankees. ESPN seems to think they and Boston are the only two teams to play baseball. Since Boston fans are not as obnoxious however, it’s easier to give them a pass.

  7. So true. Also, does espn know that there are sports other than baseball and basketball. I lament the fact that ESPN is light on the hockey highlights.

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