A Brief Word About My Clumsiness

It all started with Lorcasaur. She wants Heelys.


 Now, how old is Lorc? Take a guess. 8? 10? No. Lorc is 30. And if you knew Lorc, you would treat this declaration thusly:

Of course Lorc wants Heelys. I'm surprised it has taken her this long! Heelys and Lorc would be like chocolate and peanut butter. And she'll look freaking adorable zipping around Cambridge. Perfect idea.

Naturally, upon hearing Lorc's wish for Heelys, my brain, which is shady and evil at best, thought the following thought.

"Hey! If Lorc can rock a pair of Heelys, so can I! I WANT HEELYS."

Aaaaaaaaand the following statements were then made on Twitter:

lorcasaur: I think Heelys are less dangerous than the shoes @missbanshee wore to Vegas!
KristaBat: @missbanshee! No Heelys unless they come with full body armor!

My friends, ladies and gentlemen. They know me so well.

So after trying in bare feet to assume the Heely position (one foot in front, in line with the other, up on heels) and falling down down down every time I tried it, I abandoned my wish for Heelys, because if I can't even stand in the desired position, I should probably not try it on WHEELS.

And the universe breathed a sigh of relief. For most people don't even enjoy the concept of me driving a car, much less zipping around on wheeled sneakers. Bastards. I'm a great driver!

So what is my new obsession? What I simply cannot live without? Because my brain is full of bees?

These beautiful specimins:


YES! Cowboy Boot Roller Skates! Hot DAMN, I'd look FANTASTIC rocking these! And I can roller skate, I really can! I can't STOP, unless there's a WALL, but no matter! Cowboy boot roller skates, man. I must own them.

The kids and Lorc can have their Heelys. These will make me the envy of all I see. "Who is that gorgeous and divine woman on the incredibly awesome cowboy boot roller skates?" they will ask. And it will be ME. Cruising along, looking PREPOSTEROUSLY AWESOME.

I'll just have to do it where there's a wall.


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