Blinded By The Cat

I've been having a bit of a problem with Stewart lately. Not that he keeps being, you know, STEWART, but that he has decided that my headphones for the iPod are HIS to EAT. And he is insane, I mean, INSANE over them. I can't hide them well enough. He knows where they are, OH YES, he does. And since I've been barricading them in my nightstand drawer, he has been waging all out war.

"What dis?" he says. "A closed door? I must OPEN!" So he claws the drawer to find his beloved headphones, and when that doesn't work, he methodically knocks everything off the nightstand, so as to seek SWEET REVENGE upon me.

Why don't I have goldfish? The world may never know.

So anyway, I've been locking him out of the bedroom at night, which produces a cacophony of slamming against the door and SCREECHING that makes it difficult to sleep, to say the least. So I relent, usually around 5 AM, so as to get even a single solitary moment of sleep. Stewie takes this opportunity to hop on my head and use it as a launching pad to get to the stuff on the nightstand.

Yes, I'm quite well-rested, thank you for asking.

So anyway, this morning I blearily hunted for my glasses, as to be able to see more than three inches away from my face, and found this:

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Anyone want a slighty used cat? Because I HAVE HAD IT.


Comments

Blinded By The Cat — 12 Comments

  1. Oh crap – that is so not the way to start a Monday. I’m sorry Stewie has decided to go all bat shit crazy on you.
    Yet again this confirms my belief that the reason animals are all cute and cuddly is because they would be killed within seconds for their hijinks if they weren’t.

  2. HOLY SHIT!
    OK, when Stella was a puppy she gnawed on my brother’s glasses (he left them on the couch- his fault) but they didn’t even look close to this bad. And she is a PIT BULL. And Stewie is supposed to be a CAT? I think you need to go to a pet psychic or pet psychologist or just get some damn kitty valium or something, sweetie.
    ‘Cause that ain’t right.

  3. Stewie, Stewie, Stewie!!
    How could you do this to your mama?? If she can’t see, she can’t feed you or love you or pet you anymore. And then you will die of unlovedness!! Oh, pleease Stewie, behave and don’t break glasses. Headphones, not so bad, but glasses, ULTIMATE SIN!! Hope ya’ll have a better Monday!!
    Jenn and Gizmo

  4. I seal my glasses in a hard to open case every night for this reason. I also have to leave out a full glass of water in a specific place in the kitchen before I go to bed each night or Mako cries and claws the mattress until I fetch it for him. Oh we are but slaves to our wicked feline masters!

  5. Oh Stewie,you not being most beautiful kitty right now!! you making momma mad,mad like bees yanked from hive mad!!! Please be good boy Stewie or Momma spank….Why is it I know Lulu is snickering in the corner????

  6. I’ve an idea for the headphones. 1) Get some bitter apple or chew guard. 2) Apply liberally to non-absorbent areas of headphones. 3) Leave in an easily accessible area. 4) (Hopefully) Laugh as Stewie tries desperately to eliminate the taste from his mouth. Might take a few baitings for him to learn, and you might need to resort to Wasabi sauce or Bengay, though those might leave a lingering odor every times you listen to your 80s glam rock mix list.

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