Makes Me Wanna SING!

Which I can't, but I can IN MY MIND. And that's what happened, as it often does, this weekend when The Professor and I were in NYC, hitting some art galleries. I construct terrible songs in my head all the time, and will burst into the chorus at random times, startling and frightening my companions, who obviously had no idea that I was constructing a song at ALL, but what can I say? A girl's gotta sing.

The most recent song stylings before the art galleries came in Vegas, wherein mah betches and bestards and I witnessed something that simply would not do. Women, grown women, walking around swank hotels/casinos WITHOUT ANY PANTS. No pants!!! And don't tell me "Oh, they were wearing dresses" because these were not dresses. These were barely TUNICS. A skin tight bedazzled tunic does not pants make, and since I was THISCLOSE to seeing some serious vajayjay action, I declared that I was starting a website and it was going to be called considerpants dot com, and would feature pictures of women who sadly neglected to put on some DAMN PANTS OMG. The website did not pan out, of course, but the song persisted, and the chorus, while simple, went like this:

Oh my god, Oh my goddy
Please put on some panties
Consider Paaaaaaaaants
Consider Paaaaaaaaants

And so forth. One only had to bellow "DOT COM" and we knew what was approching us.

Cha chas. That's what was coming. Ugh.

So The Professor and I were looking through some art galleries, and there was a scourge that seemed to follow us everywhere. And that scourge was ART STUDENTS. I immediately disliked, nay, scorned the art students, for they were trying OH THEY WERE TRYING SO HARD to be hipsters, with their tight jeans and "vintage" shirts and ironic haircuts and disdainful looks. I hated them. So I busied myself creating a chorus, to be grumbled under my breath and OKAY MAYBE A LITTLE LOUDER THAN THAT, every time we passed by them. It's kind of like a stadium chant.

ART school STUdents
ART school STUdents
You suck.
Liiiiiiiiike an Electrolux
ART SCHool STUdents
ART SCHool STUdents
We hateses you
You are like poo
We hateses you.

I never said these songs were GOOD, people.

So every time we passed by the art school poo-heads, I would hum "LAAAAAA la LAAAAAAAA la" and The Professor learned a very important lesson, and that lesson was that I cannot be trusted in public not to make a spectacle of myself. As well he should.

Over all, though, it was a GRAND weekend, and thanks for sticking around in my absence. Y'all are the best, and we're back now, but this entry is over, so go outside and play, or you'll miss the best part of the day, and we wouldn't want that.


001 Not an art school student, mostly because my assessment of art consists of "Um, it was a nice picture of some clouds?"


Makes Me Wanna SING! — 8 Comments

  1. ok, i love the pants song. my friend kaz and i have a saying (that was thieved from somewhere I’m sure) that to solve all problems you will need one of the two options below: 1. PANTS! or, 2. Discipline.
    Of course, there is some crossover between these two options…

  2. you know i went to an art school but i don’t consider myself and “art school kid.” mostly thats because theatre is a beast unto itself and you wouldn’t see me in skinny jeans and a twat dress (thats what I call those barely there tunics) ever. oh yeah my personal fave here in savannah…the leggings with the waist cut top and sweat band….cause i want to see your camel toe and i totally get all my fashion cues from “the royal tanenbaums.”

  3. I admit that I too create songs, however they are mostly about my pets, which perhaps makes crazy, if not a bit pitiful 😉 I will have to consider songs as a form of taunting – good idea!

  4. You know what would kick ass? If you got that Free Credit Report Dot Com dude to follow you around with his band of ne’er do wells and sing these songs as they pop into your brain! Or someone to do a dramatic re-enactment. I sometimes fancy myself an actress, you know.

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