Things To Do When You Are Not Smoking (Other Than Hysterically Crying)

So it has come to this, people. I'm officially trying to quit smoking. I say trying, even though, as Yoda once said "Do or do not, there is no try," because I am not a Jedi, and this shit is HARD, y'all. But as part of my "get healthy for the loveagod, for reals, woman" regimen, I have been cutting down on the smokes.

The sweet, sweet smokes. Wah.

So I have a lot of time on my hands now that I'm not skippering outside to smoke every hour, and that, friends, is the hardest part. So hard! What to DO with myself??? As you know, I tend to get in trouble when I have time on my hands, or at least severely bruised, so I have compiled a list of things I can do instead of sucking down the big brown wind of death. Witness!

  • knit, knit, knit like the wind, knit like Madame LaFarge, knit hats and scarves and bags for everyone I know, and some people I don't.
  • Sock monsters for EVERYONE!
  • Deep conversations with the cats
  • Frantically instant message everyone on my list, hoping for a hearty debate about reality television or I dunno, LINT, because I will talk about ANYTHING if it will distract me
  • Write blogs about smoking
  • Weep uncontrollably
  • Lather, rinse, repeat

So the list is a little weak. A lot weak. Okay, I'm totally pathetic and this is SO HARD I don't even have the words, and oh my god, I need a cigarette and I am THISCLOSE to flinging myself on the floor and having a raging temper tantrum that would get the thumbs up from a petulant toddler with an ear infection, and maybe I should just WALLPAPER MYSELF with the nicotine patches or just knock myself out till the cravings stop.

Or I'll just knit the cats some sweaters. And no one wants that.


025 SOB.


Things To Do When You Are Not Smoking (Other Than Hysterically Crying) — 11 Comments

  1. Yay for you! I’m coming up on 15 months smoke free after 10 years at about a half a pack a day. Would my story help or just infuriate you? If infuriate is the word of the day, skip me baby. But know I wont’ give you any former smoker sass.
    I quit because one day I ran out, and I was too lazy to get more…and thought I would see how long I could go without. One day led to…well, 15 months. I had tried to quit before, and I always felt like a martyr, like I was being imposed upon, and then I would get all high and mighty and ‘you’re not the boss of me, society!’ and cave. This last time I felt like I was engaging in an (admittedly masochistic) game of testing my own boundaries. When the cravings hit hard (and frequently) I kept two things in mind. One–the nicotine WANT WANT WANT NOW STOMACH FEELS DESPONDENT WITHOUT FEEDING IT NICOTINE craving, lasts, at it’s worst–4 minutes. Then you’re given a reprieve for an hour or so. Secondly–I wanted to sort of see how bad it was, to look at myself and see how much I can take to ride it out the way some parents can magically see the futility in a toddler’s tantrum and rise above it WHILE IT’S OCCURRING to find it almost amusing even while it is draining, slightly embarrassing even while grating on your nerves.
    Perhaps I’m sick. But it’s worked for me, though, 15 months later I still have occasional nightmares about starting again.

  2. ONE thing you could do–if it might be motivation–is to make up a new budget for yourself that doesn’t include smoking but puts all of the ciggie money you are saving into a “gas money to drive to syracuse” fund. And print that shit out and POST IT EVERYWHERE–on the fridge, near the toy box, near the TV, near the front door, near the knitting needles, where the fuck ever you want.
    Because shit, girl–going to Syracuse from time to time is FAR MORE IMPORTANT than having a ciggie or two a day. And you know that.
    And if that is not ENOUGH motivation, create a more diverse “spread” of ciggie-money-can-go-to funds: new pants fund, new belly dancing clothes fund, expensive yarns fund, PLANE TICKET TO MISSOURI fund (wink wink nudge nudge), froofy body lotions/lotions-and-potions fund, WHATEVEr. πŸ™‚

  3. I’ll take a sweater – red please! Mu husband quit smoking 7 years ago, it was hard (on me too!) but he says it was so worth it and doesn’t regret. He went cold turkey (as far as cigs) he did the patch for a bit at first and then just sufffered through. It’s hard, but stick with it – food will never taste so good!

  4. My husband just quit and I can appreciate the temper tantrum urges you are having. He really liked the nicotine gum. It is just as expensive as cigarettes so you have wean yourself off of it after the prescribed amount of time. Now he is just addicted to regular gum – which is cheaper and minty fresh! Oh, and you can knit my whippet a sweater if you want – he needs a new housecoat;)

  5. Sending good quitting vibes you way. I smoked for a few years way back when – quit once when I was forced to (had surgery and was bed-ridden and parents wouldn’t let me smoke in the house – they wonder why I was such a raving lunatic bitch!) but fell off the wagon (the “forced” part didn’t sit well with me either – I wanted it to be my choice damnit!)
    Second time was after a bout of the flu. A cig was just not appealing for a few days so figured I’d give it a go. Add to that a new boyfriend who didn’t smoke (so didn’t around him) and I was able to kick the “driking while smoking” part which was a huge hurdle for me (about the only good thing that came of that relationship).
    I also started working out regularly which really helped with the excess nervous energy (scary to think I was actually more neurotic than I am now at one point in my life!)
    It does get easier at some point – I swear it does!
    I like the $ notes to remind you of all the cool crap you can do with the extra $!
    nolfo – cool, another whippet owner! I have 3 πŸ™‚

  6. I smoked for 11 years, about a pack a day. It was so incredibly hard to quit. I feel your pain! Good luck, it’s so worth it.

  7. Sending quitting vibes your way. I still can’t go all the way although I am down to one a day or so…depending on how stressful my day is! πŸ™‚ You rock though, you can totally do it!
    In any case, I’ll take a pink sock monster! πŸ™‚

  8. I too am trying to quit so I will join you in the sisterhood of wanting to stab someone(or at least tar and feather them…This is day 4 for me and ohhh,I wanna kill BUT,it can be done…Big internet hugs for you right now and gum is my friend right now….

  9. Congrats to you! I’m glad you are taking the initiative, trying, and making yourself a healthier person! Every day you don’t smoke is a victory.
    I wish you the best of luck.
    Knit me a scarf! I’ll be helpful that way. πŸ˜›

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