Effing Common Sense Is Back. Oh Joy.

Me: I'm tired.
Common Sense: That's because you're working! It's grand, is it not?
Me: I'm so tired. No, it's not grand. It's not even good. There is no good here!
CS: Now now now. It can't be that bad.
Me: I'd go into specifics, but the internet is bored already.
CS: You're a working girl!
Me: I'm not a HOOKER! Oh, wait. You mean like the movie.
CS: Yes! Like the movie! Working for a living!
Me: Everything hurts. My back, my legs, my eyes, my hair, my SOUL.
CS: So dramatic.
Me: You wanna see my feet??? They look like a ZOMBIE MOVIE.
CS: That doesn't even make any sense.
Me: Yes it DOES. They look all disgusting and bleedy!
CS: Gross, honey. No one wants to hear about your feet.
Me: I hate you. We've got to go, we've got two shows today.
CS: Oh, I'm not going.
Me: But…YES YOU ARE. I NEED you. Who's going to keep me from quitting?
CS: You quit at least three times a day. No one lets you.
Me: Well, yes. And I beg to be fired.
CS: Which doesn't work either.
Me: Maybe I'll punch someone in the neck. THAT will get me fired!
CS: No one is going to fire you. No one is going to let you quit. Give it up.
Me: FINE. No one lets me quit, no one will let me get fired. This whole operation sucks.
CS: Think of the rewards!
Me: My limbs feel like they will shatter like glass figurines with a toddler in the room.
CS: Your penchant for similes and metaphors make me weary.
Me: Why aren't you going?
CS: Well…
Me: SPILL IT, ASSHOLE.
CS: It's the finale of the Amazing Race! ONE of us should be able to watch it.
Me: *dissolves into hysterical tears*


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