In Which I Put Syracuse on Alert: ZOMBIE

Common Sense: So we're back from the Prof's.
Me: That we are.
Common Sense: Are you going to return to some sort of reality now?
Me: Are you saying Syracuse isn't reality? Because boy howdy did I see reality.
Common Sense: It's a college town! Fun! Low temperatures! You LOVE Syracuse!
Me: Except it's summer. And although I enjoy not sweating quite to death, there's something rotten in the city of Syracuse. Namely, there are no PEOPLE in Syracuse in the summer. It's a bit unnerving.
Common Sense: Aaaaand now we go into your propensity to exaggerate.
Me: No, dude. There are NO PEOPLE. Streets! Empty! Downtown! It's like in Dawn of the Dead…OH MY GOD, SYRACUSE HAS BEEN OVERTAKEN BY ZOMBIES!
Common Sense: Aaaaaaaaand here we go with the insanity.
Me: Zombies galore! WAIT! I am well schooled in the ways of zombie warfare! I CAN HELP YOU, SYRACUSE! Lock your DAMN DOORS!
Common Sense: You're gonna…you're gonna go with this tangent, aren't you.
Me: You SEE??? Syracuse is PERFECT! It's got loads of empty and abandoned buildings that are crumbling, PERFECT for zombie mobs to congregate and PLOT…
Common Sense: Stop. Zombies don't PLOT. They're ZOMBIES.
Me: They plot for BRAINS. And there are no people around downtown to eat!!! So they'll go to the Prof's neighborhood and FEAST ON THE HIPPIES!!!! Hey, I bet that would lessen the line at the burrito place, huh?
Common Sense: You've lost yourself, sweetheart. Try to remember what you were talking about. Before the burritos.
Common Sense: Well remembered.
Me: OKAY!!!! The good news is that we'd be on the second floor. That gives us the advantage of barricading or destroying the staircase. But the Prof and I are peacekeeping people! What would we ever use as weaponry???
Common Sense: I'm gonna let you trot down this road of psychosis alone, if you don't mind. You're giving me a headache.
Me: OKAY. If we reach crisis situations, we could boil that vat of olive oil we bought at the Lebanese grocery and DUMP IT OUT THE WINDOW, that might give us a few minutes…and we could bash them to death with the Prof's camera equiptment, and barricade the door with the drafting table, and…Wait. Waitaminnit. Hey, come back..
Common Sense: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeees?
Me: This is seriously a problem. We have very little in the zombie battle accouterments section. I need to notify the Prof immediately. He's a sitting duck!!!!!
Common Sense: This is the only time I'm going to say this. There are no zombies in Syracuse. You are a mentally deranged human being. The Prof is sleeping, because it's 6:38 in the morning. And this rant ends now. NOW!
Me: I'm SO renting "Dawn of the Dead" today.
Common Sense: Aaaaaaaaaaand again, she thankfully thinks about TV and we're all saved yet again.
Me: What was I talking about?


In Which I Put Syracuse on Alert: ZOMBIE — 7 Comments

  1. the zombies wouldn’t last long in syracuse — it is TOO DAMN COLD in the winter. trust me, i survived 4 winters there, and i still have most of the flannel to prove it. (it doesn’t fit any more, but i still have it.)

  2. BBRRAAIINNSS!!! Must re-read Zombie handbook to brush up and save myself from being chomped upon…I think I saw some zombies here in Savannah but i think its just the heat slowing them down…Could be tourists though…

  3. Holy crap I was just thinking of this almost same thing and I was about to blog it too lol! XD Peace keeping peoples! See how peace keeping you are when your neighbor launches for your throaght and the only thing keeping her lower jaw on is her back molar! Better dead then zed Miss Banshee, common sense should be telling you to make your battle plans ahead of time! ;-p

  4. i’m not sure they’d EVER thaw out in syracuse — their only two seasons are “winter” and “july” and even calling that one season “july” is kind of pushing it.
    (my senior year at the ‘cuse they had something like 212 inches of snow, including about an inch of snow on MOTHER’S DAY, for graduation. good times.)

  5. Oh my gosh. I certainly hope you called the prof and let him in on this important bit of info.
    Actually, my town (DeKalb, IL) almost ALWAYS has NO PEOPLE downtown, and in the summer time, it’s even ghost-townier…being a college town and all.

  6. Frankly, I’m enjoying the wonderful emptiness of the town now that the “kids” are gone. I can park, walk around, not wait in line…
    But I did have a similar zombie experience in Springfield Ma on a Saturday night. My friend and I went to a concert and wanted to grab some dinner first. There was one of those “malls” in a downtown building, with a restaurant on the street side. We ate, then decided to go to the ATM for the parking garage after. We wandered through this eerie mall, with greenish-yellow lights, that pebbly floor tile from schools built in 1966 and metal roll down gates, closing with surprising loudness. The only other sound was the creepy musak – doo-dee-doo-doo-boop. It was playing to no one. But US! We actually peeked around the corners on the way to the ATM (which for some reason was at the other end) and then ran back to the entrance. We were convinced there was a psychokiller or a zombie or SOMETHING and people were watching us and yelling at the TV to “WATCH OUT!”

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