Yes, yes, yes, it is I, Lulu, here with the idiot fat one, and we are stepping in for the human female today. You see, the human female's mood took a turn for the worse today, and I caught her writing a several-hundred page missive about betrayal and loss and embracing inner rage, and I said "Excuse me, human female, but this simply cannot do. No one wants to read your psychotic ramblings, so why don't you go watch some Harry Potter movies and let Lulu take care of the blog, okay? Because seriously, you've gone off the deep end, and anyway, who knows more about inner rage than ME? I will write. You suck your thumb and watch your movie. There's a good human female."

Of course this also means I am in charge of…Oh fine, here, say hi, Stewart.

HI HI HI HAI HOOMAN BEANS! Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii! It's ME, STEWIE!!! Okay Lulubelle Lulybells LuluSMELLS, what are we writing today? What are we going to tell the hooman beans? Are we going to tell them about all the gross things I do all the days and into the nights? Like when I –

NO. No, we're going to do nothing of the sort. We're going to talk about absolutely anything but that. Let us talk of the issues we're having at night, shall we? About this whole "family bed" thing we've been roped into? About how the human female has been, shall we say, emotionally delicate as of late, and that she herds us like CATTLE into the bedroom at night and heaves us onto the bed, prattling on about how "Mommy's tiny little angels are going to sleep with MOMMY tonight, yes they ARE" and all other sorts of drivel? Let's talk about that.

Lulu. You LYING. You lie like a big LYING THING!!! You LOVES sleeping in the big bed with Mama! You so full of lies, your whole face gonna fall off from telling LIES. Lies and kibble, that's all you're full of.

Beans. We LOVE the beeeeeg bed and sleeping with the mama. It's so comfy! Specially cause we streeeeeeeetch out all over the end of the bed so we like SLINKIES and then Mama has to have her big body pillow that she latches onto like a spider monkey, so the bed is PRETTY FULL, HAHAHAHAHA, and we always start out with enough room but Lulu and Stewie GROW LIKE BLOB during night and Mama get all twisted around big pillow and covers and somehow always end up falling out of big bed, WHOOPS!

Stewie and Lulee never fall out of bed. That cause we take up all middle part, where it's BEST. Mama can have edges. She like them. Edges like crust of peanut butter and jelly sammich. Kids don't like, give to Mamas. IT'S A RULE I JUST MADE UP HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAH!

That's it. No more from him. How did we get from sleeping arrangements to peanut butter sandwiches? This is what happens when you let that dolt do the writing.

So yes, the sleeping arrangements have worked out pretty splendidly for the feline contingent of the household, although the Human Female keeps grumbling about how one of these days she's going to accidentally hang herself with her iPod headphones and it would be nice to have more than a kleenex sized portion of the sheet and blah blah I don't listen to her, you get the idea.

So if you humans were concerned about the sleeping arrangements in the house, don't be. I, Lulu, am quite comfortable and get at least 20 hours of solid sleep in per day, and I get all the room in the big bed that I require due to my gorgeous Rubenesque figure. The idiot one is fine too, in the sleeping department. Everyone is fine except for the human female, who has three limbs off the bed as of now, and if you'll excuse me, I'm going to watch the inevitable fall. And laugh. Because that's what I do, bitches.

Say goodbye, Stewart.


Till next time, humans, I remain,



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