Me: Wah. It's hot. I'm sweaty. My legs are sweaty, my back is sweaty, ew, my sweat is sweaty!
Cats: *sprawled motionless on floor*
Me: He…llo? Cats? CATS!!! ARE YOU DEAD? DO YOU NEED FIRST AID???
Cats: *stretch, roll over, lie motionless*
Me: Helloooooooooo? Nothing, huh? Too hot to fight? Too hot to eat? How about I put some ice in the bowl, would you like that, mommy's wittle precious angel babies? Hmmmm? OI! CATS!!! Do you LIVE???
Lulu: *opens one eye microscopically, shows a little fang, goes back to sleep*
Stewart: *rolls onto his back, arms and legs akimbo*
Me: I'm bored. I'm bored, cats! So it is time for you to rise up and entertain me! Rise up! Riiiiiiiiiiise.
Cats *faintly snore*
Me: You're missing the best part of the day! C'mon, who wants another popsicle? I know I do! Let's go to the kitchen!
Cats: *flick tails lazily*
Me: Okay, let's play this game. What will make you LEAP up and entertain me? Is it a secret word? Okay, okay, I'm good at this. Kitchen! Food! Bowl! Ice cream! Green olives! Salad dressing!
Me: Kibble? Popsicle? Leftover bean salad? What, you guys wanna go smoke or something?
Cats: *do not move, not even microscopically*
Me: *cautiously nudges cat with toe*
Me: You need a diet, boy. I almost lost a toe in that blubber.
Me: *hands on hips, surveying the scene like a CSI unit* It's like the last act of Hamlet with all the bodies strewn around here.
Cats: *crickets chirp, a tumbleweed drifts*
Me: That Hamlet line was my best material, dudes. Nothing? Fine, I'm going to bed. If y'all are gonna nap, so am I.
Cats: *dream of ice cream and salad dressing*
Me: *dreams of central air conditioning*