At The Movies

So the divine Ms. LaRoux and I went to see "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" like the queen geeks that we are, and several things happened. Because really, can we go anywhere without weird things happening? The answer is no.

Thing Part The First: Before the movie we went to the diner to get our grub on, and as we were eating, the booth in front of me (to LaRoux's back) was seated. With the OLDEST WOMAN EVER. She was about 2 foot 3, with purple tinged white hair and so much makeup she must have applied it with a trowel. She was SO OLD, Y'ALL. It terrified me. Seriously, it was so unnerving. Poor LaRoux had NO idea that I was staring into the face of SATAN, so our conversation was a little…stilted.

LaRoux: So it'll be hilarious, going to this concert with my cousin, dude, they're so young and we're so old, you know?

Me: Old….ooooooold. *eyes bugging*

LaRoux: But being the old people at concerts and movies – it's what we do, right? I mean, we're going to see Harry Potter for chrissakes, and it's gonna be like Twilight all over again.

Me: OLD. *whimpers*

LaRoux: I wonder if we'll be the oldest people in the theater AGAIN. What am I saying, of COURSE we'll be the oldest people there.

Me: *sobs* OLD!!!!

And so forth. I didn't even TELL poor LaRoux, I was THAT SCARED. Remember the preacher in "Poltergeist 2?" LIKE THAT. Scary. Old. Scaryold. Oooh, I hope I'm that scary looking when I'm old.

Thing Part The Second: So we get to the movie theater and take the elevator up from the parking garage. Right in front of us walking towards the theater were…Oh my god. Dudes. DUDES. They were the three most gothy, emo, TRAGIC TEENAGERS EVER. Two dudes and a chick. LaRoux and I almost burst into tears.

LaRoux: Oh Em Gee.


LaRoux: I love them.

Me: I want to put them in my pocket and feed them cookies.

LaRoux: I want HER BOOTS.

Me: I want their tragic LIFE. Remember that???? Remember taking SO much time to get dressed and look tragic? OMG OMG I LOVE THEM.

We whispered all this, of course, so as not to disturb The Tragic, but we DID make "pinch your cheeks" motions with our hands as we scurried along behind them and squealed a little. Dudes. You know when you see teenagers who remind you SO much of how you used to be? And you just want to alternately hug and slap them? this was it exactly. We just wanted to hug them and tell them everything was going to be okay, really, and then slap them for being so adorably gothily tragically…TEENAGED. If you can picture how people get with infants and puppies, that's how we were with the goth kids. Sniff. I wanted to take them home, I really did.

Thing Part The Third: After the movie, we were again walking to the parking garage when we started seeing people with numbers on their chests milling around. Well, this was odd. The mall where the movie theater is used to be the hoppin' place to hang out, 20 years ago, but now it's totally empty and decrepit except for the movies. So to actually see people around was weird. And to see them in running gear was even weirder. So we used our SOOPER SLEUTH SKILLZ to deduce that there must have been a race of some sort, and winded our way around the sweaty smelly people to get to the elevator. Once ON the elevator, this conversation happened:

Runner: Going down?

Me: Yep.

Runner: You're going down? Down?

Me: Super sure we're going down, dude.

Runner (to other runner) They're going down.

Other Runner: What's down?

Me (as doors are closing without them) We're GOING DOWN. WICKED SURE OVER HERE. DOWN!

Runner (as doors close on her) Down?

Then I lost the car in the parking garage and we wandered aimlessly forEVER. We almost had to pitch a tent, and I was gonna Avada Kedavra anyone's ass that came near me cause parking garages are SCARY and notorious for villians. And we didn't even have the goth kids to protect us with their Shields of Tragedy.

So that was going to the movies. No, nothing in my life is ever simple, why do you ask?

(If you're  out there, goth kids? We LOVE YOU. Come live with me! I'll be your crazy auntie and we can do each other's hair and listen to Joy Division! KISSES!!!)


At The Movies — 4 Comments

  1. 1. I wish you had totally pointed out Death to me in the diner. Next time we will switch sides
    2. I miss my Shield of Tragedy
    3. I laughed AGAIN at the “What is Down?” conversation. Some people should not be let out.

  2. The other night at work, a horde of angsty teens came in, clearly displaying the prowess of knotty, ratted hair and clothes that looked hazardous but were likely bought that way at Hot Topix, and I sighed and shook my head at them, and then, inside my head, I yelled, “Me! Yeah, me! GET OFF MY LAWN!!”

  3. Omg, I know this is SUPER old, but I’m reading your blog archives again (why, yes, I have no life) and I for reals laughed until I almost peed on myself at this one. Loves your blogs much, lady!

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