Common Sense Suggests The Decaf

Me: O HAI Starbucks is giving away coffee today!!!!

Common Sense: Oh no.

Me: DO YOU NEED ME TO LIFT ANY CARS?

Common Sense: How are you even typing right now?

Me: I'm SHAKING SO HARD. 

Common Sense: How much…I mean, how many coffees did you have?

Me: Ummmmmmm one two three THREE COFFEES

CS: Fantastic. And what have we learned today?

Me: Coffeeeeeeeeeee is good for meeeeeeeeeee

CS: No, that's incorrect. 

Me: Coffee is…bad for me? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?

CS: Well for one, you're bouncing off the couch like it's a Pogo Ball.

Me: BOINGY BOINGY BOING!

CS: You're gonna crash, you realize, and you'll sleep all afternoon.

Me: IMPOSSIBLE. Let's paint the apartment!

CS: And then you'll wake up with a headache and be all grouchy. 

Me: NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Hey remember that Afterschool Special when Helen Hunt took the angel dust and thought she could fly?

CS: Oh lord.

Me: I FEEL A KINSHIP. 

CS: You can't fly. Plus, we live on the first floor. All you'd do is break the window, and that would be expensive. 

Me: OH MAN let's go SHOPPING. 

CS: Absolutely not. You're staying inside and coming down off of this.

Me: You are THE OPPOSITE OF FUN.

CS: I'm not letting you go to the grocery store like this. You'll buy a crate of Twinkies and a 24 pack of Red Bull and then you'll have to go to the lunatic asylum.

Me: WILL NOT. I'm PRETTY!

CS: I give up. 

Me: GLITTER!!!!!!


Comments

Common Sense Suggests The Decaf — 5 Comments

  1. I don’t drink coffee, so I can only relate how I am based on the amount of sugar I’ve ingested this week thanks to all the mallowcreme pumpkins I’ve eaten, and that is I feel like I can cut through steel with just the power of my eyes. We could be superheroes. I’m not sure what we’d accomplish to save the day since we have no long-term focus, but it would be fun to hope around in capes.

  2. When I lived alone there was a pot o’ coffee brewing all day long…coffee, cigarette, cigarette, coffee, coffee coffee coffee…not much else got done but coffee and cigarettes and lots of jabbering about.

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