Me: O HAI Starbucks is giving away coffee today!!!!
Common Sense: Oh no.
Me: DO YOU NEED ME TO LIFT ANY CARS?
Common Sense: How are you even typing right now?
Me: I'm SHAKING SO HARD.
Common Sense: How much…I mean, how many coffees did you have?
Me: Ummmmmmm one two three THREE COFFEES
CS: Fantastic. And what have we learned today?
Me: Coffeeeeeeeeeee is good for meeeeeeeeeee
CS: No, that's incorrect.
Me: Coffee is…bad for me? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
CS: Well for one, you're bouncing off the couch like it's a Pogo Ball.
Me: BOINGY BOINGY BOING!
CS: You're gonna crash, you realize, and you'll sleep all afternoon.
Me: IMPOSSIBLE. Let's paint the apartment!
CS: And then you'll wake up with a headache and be all grouchy.
Me: NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Hey remember that Afterschool Special when Helen Hunt took the angel dust and thought she could fly?
CS: Oh lord.
Me: I FEEL A KINSHIP.
CS: You can't fly. Plus, we live on the first floor. All you'd do is break the window, and that would be expensive.
Me: OH MAN let's go SHOPPING.
CS: Absolutely not. You're staying inside and coming down off of this.
Me: You are THE OPPOSITE OF FUN.
CS: I'm not letting you go to the grocery store like this. You'll buy a crate of Twinkies and a 24 pack of Red Bull and then you'll have to go to the lunatic asylum.
Me: WILL NOT. I'm PRETTY!
CS: I give up.