Okay, so I was sooooo giving ass-vice to a fellow writer in a rut the other day. I was all 'Blah! Writing is easy, you just start doing it and a topic will come to you, yay! Also? Unicorns and glitter!!!"
Well I'm paying the price for being so cavalier. I'm totally blocked. I feel like I've acquired writing ADD, as in I start writing and I get distracted by the teevee, or one of the cats, or I suddenly want to make popcorn or something.
Oooh. Popcorn. Be right back.
ANYWAY. Yes, I have been easily distracted as of late. There are only so many stories I can tell about falling down, people making fun of me for falling down, injuries I have sustained whilst falling down…It gets a little repetitious. So! WHAT TO TALK ABOUT???
It's only November 29th, and I am already sick to freaking death of any and all commercialization of Christmas. BUT! Oh!!! I KNOW WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT!!!!!
Okay, remember that old commercial for Folgers coffee. When "Peter" comes home for Christmas? You remember. Okay, fine, here it is.
NOW. I have so many questions! Where, exactly, has Peter been? Was he at college, even though the actor is clearly in his early 30s? Was he in white-collar prison, perhaps from a cocaine bust at his office? I mean, it WAS 1985. Was he on a Peace Corps trip to Africa?
Wait. A Peace Corps trip to Africa? Whereever would I get that idea? I mean, that's stretching it a little bit, even for a festive holiday commercial, right? WRONG, MY FRIENDS, because here in 2009 we have a new! Updated! Peter's home! And guess where he's been??? That's RIGHT, a Peace Corps trip to Africa!
*sidenote* I can't find the new commercial online, but I HAVE found MANY people online who do not find making fun of the Folgers commercial funny. So, um, I'll tread lightly on the new spot. The Peace Corps is a magnificent organization, coming home is touching, blah de blee, have some coffee. End sidenote*
What about Peter?!?!? That commercial ran forEVER in the 80s and 90s! Find the damn actor and have it be about HIS ungrateful children coming home for Christmas with a big bag of laundry and a girlfriend with a chest tattoo! That would be AWESOME for those of us who hate the holidays. Or better yet, let's show Peter and his life partner Chad living the holidays UP in a tropical locale while his family dilutes their Folgers with Jack Daniels and everyone pretends to like each other over a turkey dinner! I like that idea.
Get Folgers on the blower! And somebody find Peter!!!!
edited to add: ZOMG, someone DID!