Common Sense: Weeeeeeeell well well. Look at you.
CS: Little Miss Fancypants.
Me: I'm SURE I have no idea what you are implying.
CS: You sure treat unexpected happy news in an interesting way.
Me: Huh? OH. You mean all the crying.
CS: Of course I mean all the crying. "Look at me, boo hoo, people are reading the blog, wah wah wah"
Me: You know, that was awfully mean.
CS: That's why I'm your common sense, buster. I keep you grounded.
Me: You keep me GROUCHY. See how you are. So full of hate.
CS: Just keeping things in perspective. So you have new readers. You gonna start writing like a grownup?
CS: You gonna stop telling the entire world about your ass hanging out of your jeans, and falling down all the time, and writing in the guise of the cats?
CS: So things are going to be status quo around here, eh? The same stuff? Even the really embarrassing and/or silly stuff?
Me: Yooooooooooooou betcha.
CS: Hope you liked those new followers, cause there's going to be a mass exodus.
Me: I gotta be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
CS: Don't try to sing.
Me: *croaking* I gotta be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
CS: Oh my god, stop.
Me: Nope, I won't. You're being vair, vair mean to me today, and I am actually feeling pretty good about myself and not psychotically depressed at all, and you're SHITTING in my proverbial PUNCHBOWL. So shut up. Nyah.
CS: It's almost as if you have self-esteem.
CS: Well I don't know how to respond to that. That's something quite new.
Me: I'm gonna go now. You're a mean mean voice in my head, and I'm through talking with you today.
CS: You going out to smoke?
CS: Well for the love of Zeus's undercrackers, at LEAST put shoes on. I give up on you wearing pajamas all day, but you're BAREFOOT and it's FEBRUARY. I'm just trying to do my job here.
Me: Fine, I will put on shoes. I will put on THE PINK SHOES OF SHAME.
CS: Which will go delightfully with your jimjams. I do hope all your neighbors are around to see this.
Me: *bellowing* I gotta be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
CS: I'm putting an ad on Craigslist. I need a new gig.
(No I didn't.)