Actual Conversation: Common Sense Assesses The Situation

Common Sense: Weeeeeeeell well well. Look at you.

Me: Moi?

CS: Little Miss Fancypants.

Me: I'm SURE I have no idea what you are implying. 

CS: You sure treat unexpected happy news in an interesting way.

Me: Huh? OH. You mean all the crying.

CS: Of course I mean all the crying. "Look at me, boo hoo, people are reading the blog, wah wah wah"

Me: You know, that was awfully mean.

CS: That's why I'm your common sense, buster. I keep you grounded. 

Me: You keep me GROUCHY. See how you are. So full of hate.

CS: Just keeping things in perspective. So you have new readers. You gonna start writing like a grownup?

Me: Nope.

CS: You gonna stop telling the entire world about your ass hanging out of your jeans, and falling down all the time, and writing in the guise of the cats?

Me: Nope.

CS: So things are going to be status quo around here, eh? The same stuff? Even the really embarrassing and/or silly stuff?

Me: Yooooooooooooou betcha.

CS: Hope you liked those new followers, cause there's going to be a mass exodus.

Me: I gotta be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

CS: Don't try to sing.

Me: *croaking* I gotta be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

CS: Oh my god, stop.

Me: Nope, I won't. You're being vair, vair mean to me today, and I am actually feeling pretty good about myself and not psychotically depressed at all, and you're SHITTING in my proverbial PUNCHBOWL. So shut up. Nyah.

CS: It's almost as if you have self-esteem.

Me: Almost.

CS: Well I don't know how to respond to that. That's something quite new.

Me: I'm gonna go now. You're a mean mean voice in my head, and I'm through talking with you today.

CS: HEY!

Me: What?

CS: You going out to smoke?

Me: Yep.

CS: Well for the love of Zeus's undercrackers, at LEAST put shoes on. I give up on you wearing pajamas all day, but you're BAREFOOT and it's FEBRUARY. I'm just trying to do my job here.

Me: Fine, I will put on shoes. I will put on THE PINK SHOES OF SHAME.

CS: Which will go delightfully with your jimjams. I do hope all your neighbors are around to see this.

Me: *bellowing* I gotta be meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

CS: I'm putting an ad on Craigslist. I need a new gig.

002
I did take the feather headdress off.

(No I didn't.) 


Comments

Actual Conversation: Common Sense Assesses The Situation — 7 Comments

  1. It’s actually the silly and embarrassing stuff that people like. Or, anything that gives them the sense that they’re reading something written by an actual human being they can relate to … and that means someone who doesn’t pretend to be flawless.
    Although there’s nothing embarrassing about matching your shoes to your feathered headdress. I mean, what, you’re going to clash them?

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