Stewie Does Not Approve

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 EEEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Me: What in the name of pants are you doing?

Stewart: STEWIE HAVE TANTRUM!

Me: You look like Jabba the Hutt having a seizure. 

Stewie: Stewie wanna write BLAWG. Mama TOO DEPRESSING LATELY. Need Stewie to bring LIGHT AND JOY to interwebz.

Me: Well fine. What do you want to say, I shall transcribe, since you're…doing whatever it is you're doing over there. 

Stewie: MAMA. How come you not a MOMMYBLOGGER?

Me: I'm not a Mommyblogger because I'm not a mother, dippy. Also, they hate that term, stop using it, you're going to get me in trouble.

Stewie: But you MY mama!

Me: In a way, yes, but there really isn't a niche on the internet for 32 year old shut ins who treat their cats like children. 

Stewie: WHY NOT.

Me: Because that would be tragic. 

Stewie: MAMA! SPEAKING OF TRAGIC.

Me: Listen, I said I was sorry, okay? You needed your yearly shots. We HAD to go get them done. You'd wither and die of some disease if I didn't take you. And I can't take that kind of guilt.

Stewie: Lulu STILL pissed at you bout DAT.

Me: Sigh. I know. Your sister can really hold a grudge. Luckily, you forgave me.

Stewie: STEWIE FORGOT.

Me: Well, sweetheart, that's because you're my special little guy, and you have the brain capacity of pudding. That's why we love you so much. You're dumb as a bag of hair. 

Stewie: STILL CUTE THO.

Me: Yes, still cute. Always cute. Could you…what are you doing?

Stewie: MAKIN' BIZKITS.

Me: You're kneading my stomach. WITH YOUR RAZOR SHARP CLAWS.

Stewie: Makin MAMA bizkits.

Me: You're ventilating me, is what you're doing. Also? OW.

Stewie: Stewie SHOWING AFFECTION.

Me: Well it's causing me pain. Which, come to think of it, is exactly how most of my ex boyfriends "showed affection." Curious, that. 

Stewie: Stewie think you going off on a TANGENT. 

Me: Yes, you're right, and if there's anything sadder than a woman writing in the guise of a morbidly obese cat, it's a woman doing that as an excuse to whine about her ex-boyfriends. We are DONE HERE. Blog OVER.

Stewie: OKAY HUMAN BEANS, BLOG OVER. GO OUT AND PLAY!

Me: Well this has certainly been literary genius. Sigh.

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Comments

Stewie Does Not Approve — 8 Comments

  1. You were a WRITER IN TREATMENT!
    There is a non-profit named Writers in Treatment for writers who ..well, you know… are drunks and screwed up and dont have insurance etc etc
    If you feel so inclined, please let writers know that they can get free rehab through http://writersintreatment.org
    and its a fun place to send donations!

  2. FANTASTIC. This sounds like my Friday and Saturday nights with Harriet and Maisey. In fdact, Stewie looks like the “Before” picture of Harriet, who is quite Svelte.

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