Internet privacy is a weird and sometimes wicked scary topic. I'm not talking about identity theft or someone getting your credit card number, I'm talking about private lives and being a blogger. It really is a tangled web we weave, being an "entity" on the internet, telling personal, sometimes heart wrenching stories, to a bunch of strangers. Some thrive on it, others run screaming. And some are tormented by other strangers, for what could be a perceived wrong, or just that they don't like your face.
It's something that I am terrified of, the internet haters, the people from the past who might see this and think "is she talking about me? Because I destroyed her in grammar school and I'll do it again right now."
Or what of ex-lovers, boyfriends, husbands? The opportunity is always there to wreck on someone you once cared for but don't anymore, especially since they're "putting it on the internet" so therefore they somehow deserve it.
In case anyone is as paranoid as I am, I'm not picking out specific people and events. This might be a little disjointed because I'm talking as the thoughts are whizzing through my head. What if someone found this blog, wherein I open emotional veins most every day, and used it against me? What would I do?
It's not a pleasant feeling for someone who suffers from the bevy of psychological issues that I do, that's for sure. So why do I do it? Why do I stand emotionally naked before you, when you, any of you could hurt me so easily?
I don't know. Maybe because it hasn't happened. Yet. Maybe it's because I AM so open that people who would be out there to hurt me don't bother because I do such a bang up job of doing that all by myself.
Or maybe, just maybe, I'm getting too big for my britches and people aren't thinking about me at all, much less taking the time to attempt to ruin my reputation on the internet. I mean geez, could I be a little more self-centered?
I don't know a lot, but I know this. I don't lie on the internet. I don't say things about other people that I wouldn't say to their faces. I try to be kind. I've met so many amazing people through the innerwebz that I just can't see it as a force of evil. I am lucky enough that in a life with so many challenges, the internet has welcomed me with open arms. I am so, so lucky.
I have done, do, and will continue to speak from my mind and my heart on the internet, and hopefully, it won't be used against me. Because this is my home, this wide world of web, and these are my people. There are always going to be people out there who want to cause harm, to be mean, to publicly ridicule or accuse others of wrongs they may or may not be innocent of. I can't control that. I can just speak for myself, and I choose to do it full force. Hell, sometimes I even use my real name.
I feel safe in the internet. Maybe that makes me weird, but hey, it wouldn't be the first time I've been called that, by myself, or anyone else. I can handle "weird." I LIKE "weird." It's who I am, and I have a lot of people who, by being a reader of this site or Twitter or MamaPop or whatever, tell me without having to say anything that it's okay that I'm weird. Maybe they are too! And wouldn't that be grand, if this internet was full of weirdos just…being the community that they could, and should be.
If this is too Pollyanna for any of you, don't worry, I haven't misplaced my snark. I've just got this subject on the brain, and I needed to tell you with the only voice I feel comfortable using.
"Please God please…don't let me be normal" –The Fantasticks