They’re All Going To Laugh At You!!!

Internet privacy is a weird and sometimes wicked scary topic. I'm not talking about identity theft or someone getting your credit card number, I'm talking about private lives and being a blogger. It really is a tangled web we weave, being an "entity" on the internet, telling personal, sometimes heart wrenching stories, to a bunch of strangers. Some thrive on it, others run screaming. And some are tormented by other strangers, for what could be a perceived wrong, or just that they don't like your face.

It's something that I am terrified of, the internet haters, the people from the past who might see this and think "is she talking about me? Because I destroyed her in grammar school and I'll do it again right now." 

Or what of ex-lovers, boyfriends, husbands? The opportunity is always there to wreck on someone you once cared for but don't anymore, especially since they're "putting it on the internet" so therefore they somehow deserve it.

In case anyone is as paranoid as I am, I'm not picking out specific people and events. This might be a little disjointed because I'm talking as the thoughts are whizzing through my head. What if someone found this blog, wherein I open emotional veins most every day, and used it against me? What would I do?

It's not a pleasant feeling for someone who suffers from the bevy of psychological issues that I do, that's for sure. So why do I do it? Why do I stand emotionally naked before you, when you, any of you could hurt me so easily?

I don't know. Maybe because it hasn't happened. Yet. Maybe it's because I AM so open that people who would be out there to hurt me don't bother because I do such a bang up job of doing that all by myself.

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm getting too big for my britches and people aren't thinking about me at all, much less taking the time to attempt to ruin my reputation on the internet. I mean geez, could I be a little more self-centered?

I don't know a lot, but I know this. I don't lie on the internet. I don't say things about other people that I wouldn't say to their faces. I try to be kind. I've met so many amazing people through the innerwebz that I just can't see it as a force of evil. I am lucky enough that in a life with so many challenges, the internet has welcomed me with open arms. I am so, so lucky.

I have done, do, and will continue to speak from my mind and my heart on the internet, and hopefully, it won't be used against me. Because this is my home, this wide world of web, and these are my people. There are always going to be people out there who want to cause harm, to be mean, to publicly ridicule or accuse others of wrongs they may or may not be innocent of. I can't control that. I can just speak for myself, and I choose to do it full force. Hell, sometimes I even use my real name.

I feel safe in the internet. Maybe that makes me weird, but hey, it wouldn't be the first time I've been called that, by myself, or anyone else. I can handle "weird." I LIKE "weird." It's who I am, and I have a lot of people who, by being a reader of this site or Twitter or MamaPop or whatever, tell me without having to say anything that it's okay that I'm weird. Maybe they are too! And wouldn't that be grand, if this internet was full of weirdos just…being the community that they could, and should be. 

If this is too Pollyanna for any of you, don't worry, I haven't misplaced my snark. I've just got this subject on the brain, and I needed to tell you with the only voice I feel comfortable using.  

"Please God please…don't let me be normal" –The Fantasticks 

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 This is Danielle. She lives in the internet with her caregiver, Miss Banshee.


Comments

They’re All Going To Laugh At You!!! — 44 Comments

  1. I loved you before I met you, having been lulled into your web by your beautiful words.
    The fact that you are gorgeous and naked staring at me from my computer screen only makes me love you more.
    *runs to hide in your bushes to commence non-harmful stalking*

  2. It’s scary. Right now, someone I know is talking about me and saying a lot of _very_ personal things about me on their blog. (Nothing illegal, but potentially reputation-damaging, or at least would keep me from running for public office. Which I have no plans to do.) They’re not using my real name, of course. Or even their own real name. But I haven’t decided yet whether to be freaked out about it or not.
    Oh, and *smoochies* for you.

  3. I totally agree! Without the internet, I would feel like I was the only weirdo out there sometimes. It is very comforting to have the company of other awesome weirdos, even if it’s just here in the little black box. So yay, weirdos! We rock, in an awkward, flailing, yet incredibly enthusiastic and awesome way!

  4. A few years ago I wrote a blog that had a pretty decent readership, and I found myself running into all kinds of little challenges regarding what is private and what is public in terms of what I share online. I think we all create our own standards individually…some people are cool being total exhibitionists, and others are extremely guarded. Other than some basic netiquette, there’s no right or wrong answers. And sometimes the mistakes we make – when we throw too much out there – teach us greater insights about ourselves. Be careful, sure, but don’t be afraid to play truth or dare with yourself. Good luck!

  5. i feel comfortable online because it’s almost all words (for me). my presence online is thru my keyboard, what i choose to type (or edit out). it’s a luxury i don’t have in “real life”. also, i did not realize this til you made your points about what makes you comfortable online. so thank you, and thanks to Roger Ebert for sharing this post via Twitter.

  6. I feel safe here too, and I don’t know that I’ve ever articulated that before or read it in the words that reflected back the way I just realized I feel.
    I always just seem to manage to find a place that works for me in here, somehow – that’s not always the case OUT here.

  7. At times I feel more comfortable in public than i do saying things or doing things in private. In public you have witnesses and it’s harder for people to act like a conversation or an event didn’t happen.

  8. You know what? You just gave voice to the debate going on in my head right now. Is there too much me on my blog? Yeah, probably. But like you, I feel safe here – safer than I should, probably.

  9. AH but doesn’t this bring up what is weird and what is normal? We think cats and dogs are weird for licking their own butts or sniffing someone elses, do they not think we are weird for wearing clothes, jumping in the shower to wash?
    Is it not all realitive, perhaps we are all weird, or maybe all normal….my brain is starting to hurt.

  10. So very cool. You spoke to everyone’s fears. If everyone feels them~ what are we afraid of.
    Our tiny words can only affect ~ those who choose to let them in.
    So listen ~ don’t listen. Like the Bee Gee’s said
    ” they’re only words and words are all I have…”
    Your words are beautiful. I choose to let them in.

  11. I totally, totally admire you for putting yourself out there. And you do it so well. I couldn’t do it myself. Not because I’m shy, but because it’s just not what tend to want to do the minute I start typing. There’s probably a bit of fear in there too. I couldn’t possibly talk about how I’m feeling without mentioning the people around me, and I really don’t want to open that can of worms (because sometimes that’s what it is). But you do it differently. You really put yourself – not those around you – out there. And maybe that’s why it works. It’s also refreshingly honest, and so well done. Kudos on finding the right balance.

  12. You read my mind, just a little… I always wanted to start a blog, I feel safe too on the internet, for some strange reason, and I can speak my mind as well… I think I do better with writing, I can express myself easier… Anyway, I loved your post, and you’re not alone out there 🙂

  13. I just think of you as BRAVE. Since I stumbled across you, you have had me hooked on your blog and ask anything page. You are connecting with us, even if we have never met. Do not hesitate with what you are doing. We all find meaning in your words. You have a gift and were meant to share it with the world. Thank you!

  14. You are chock full of awesome. I am so glad that you have found a welcoming community on the internet. You are so talented and I am proud to know you. I look forward to all of your blog posts and Bachelor recaps (never watched an episode). Just know that many of us are always here pushing for you and wishing for your continued perseverance (and snark). Nice use of the “Carrie” quote BTW.

  15. You and your blog are wonderful. As to the haters, I hope this quote by Thomas Jefferson will give you a lift: “It neither breaks my bones nor picks my pocket.” I feel this way about a LOT of things, not least of all people who choose to try to break others down instead of building themselves up.
    Keep on doing what you’re doing. You do it so well!

  16. thanks for sharing with all us weirdos. i’m going to tell you the same thing i tell my wife – you’re much more beautiful without all the make-up.

  17. Pretty girl! Your blog is an inspiration to peeps who can’t write and wish they could, or peeps like me who can write and have a pathetic little blog I don’t have time to update. You rock!

  18. You just made me feel a bazillion times better about posting again. I have the same fears, but I should be fearless. I WILL POST!!!
    (BTW: I did have a blog post come back and bite me in the ass once, it was awful. I deleted it and had to send a huge apology to a childhood friend. I felt like such a dick. Thus I do not use names anymore, except for the people who I get the okay from.)

  19. Funny that someone (troll) would say what he did, because seriously, I haven’t commented for the sole reason that I find your beauty intimidating.
    There’s no accounting for taste. I’d switch bodies (and faces!) with you in a nanosecond.
    xoxo

  20. Very beautifully written.
    I think you have so many people out here that just love your blog for being so open and honest… and love you because of it.

  21. Found you through a link of a link of a link (I travel fast around the ‘net thanks to a lickety-split iMac).
    This post is exactly my thoughts right now as I contemplate doing my own blog. Thank you for this excellent post and blog.

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