Dispatches From Under The Couch

Psst! Y'all! It's me, Miss Banshee. I'm under the couch, c'mere. 

The World: Why in the name of Merlin's Y-fronts are you under the couch again?

Me: I spent four hours with children yesterday. 

The World: Wow. In, like, a venue that wasn't your apartment?

Me: Yep. I left the house. AND interacted with children. Very energetic children.

The World: Heh. How did THAT go?

Me: I'm under the couch, aren't I?

The World: I thought you loved kids!

Me: I ADORE kids. Kids are the best, especially these three kids. These three kids are my nieces in spirit. High spirits. Did I mention the bouncing?

The World: Kids bounce, dude. It's what they do.

Me: They made me vair tired. I slept for 12 hours last night. 

The World: Wuss. You were only there for four hours. 

Me: I didn't take a Klonopin before going over there. This was a massive error on my part.

The World: But you love these kids!

Me: I DO love these kids. I'm just…a little afraid of them. The BOUNCING. And did I mention the Taylor Swift singing? From the five year old?

The World: The five year old was singing Taylor Swift songs?

Me: One Taylor Swift song. Over and over and over. Whilst bouncing. Boing boing boing. I was so tired.

The World: You were bouncing too?

Me: Are you HIGH? I was just WATCHING. 

The World: You are SO overdramatic.

Me: The five year old sang Beyonce's "Single Ladies" as well. And talked a lot about butts. 

The World: So what you're saying is, this five year old is pretty much your hero. 

Me: That's exactly what I'm saying. But just to be on the safe side…

The World: You'll be under the couch.

Me: I'll be under the couch. … It smells under here.

The World: OH LOOK AT THE TIME. Half past time to go!

Me: You know where I'll be. And I'll be humming that Taylor Swift song.

The World: Righty-o. Later, freakshow. 



Dispatches From Under The Couch — 7 Comments

  1. I totally want to you to come hang out with my girls. And there are only 2 of them! If you did 3 you can totally do 2. Um… but, now that you mention it… butts are frequently mentioned by Zoe. And… she will totally wiggle hers if you play “single ladies”. And, well, yeah…. there is non-stop motion. The only time the motion stops is when the chatter starts, and that’s not a guarantee.
    But you know you totally wanna stop by my house one day on the way to Stop and Shop. We are RIGHT on the way!

  2. As my small child said to me when I told her she was being over-dramatic: “I am being JUST as draMAtic as I NEED to be!” Remember that the next time the world tells you you’re being over-dramatic.

  3. Ah the delight of other people’s kids! You can play with them and enjoy that special energy they have and then return them to their caregivers and run away. You can also buy them really noisy toys. Heh. I’m a bad person. *evil grin*

  4. LOL I would hide under my bed but my butt and boobs wont let me, I am limited to being under covers….do you know those little crazies seek you out and find you there. My two stepdaughter have hit the early teens and this Friday the oldest is having a sleep over party. I pity her stepfather, he is generally surronded by girls– now there will be a hoard of little sugar hopped up teens girls.
    Happy its there and not here, but you know we would let her do it here too cause we are crazy.

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