Ah Mah Gah, I didn't write yesterday, allow me to put on my hair shirt and whip myself raw. (hi, google searchers, no, there are no pictures of me whipping myself, you dirty birdies) but seirously, I'm sorry I didn't write yesterday, time just got away from me and well, I forgot. See how serious I am about this grave subject? I mean, LOOK at me.
ANYWAY. On to more important things.
On Saturday, the utterly divine ElleVee and I went to see Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland" and I lurved it. I didn't even get up and wander around, dreaming of going home! This is huge for me. Well, I guess I better explain what goes on in my head when it comes to going to the movies.
*I see a commercial for "Alice" on the teevee*
Me: Oooooooh. Johnny Deppy goody goody Tim Burton weirdness must see it yes yes yes. I shall rent it when it comes out on DVD.
ElleVee: WE MUST GO SEE ALICE THIS WEEKEND YES YES YES. *ElleVee is one of the tiniest people you'll ever meet, but she always speaks in all caps. This is a mystery for the ages. Little body, HUGE personality*
Me: *thinking* NO. No no no. No movie theater. No people. No going out. Absolutely not. But…to see ElleVee is to laugh, and to have this thing called "fun" and you must go, you simply must, she really wants to see that movie and she is small but mighty, and you don't want to upset the teeny tiny mighty girl. Say yes, dammit, say yes.
Me: Yes! We will go see "Alice" in 3D and all will be lollypops and Johnny Deppy.
So I agree to go. And spend the next few days panicking. Because that's what I do when I go out, I panic. I brood and panic and think of endless excuses as to why I can't go (fire, flood, cats have ebola, *I* have ebola, I have nothing to wear, I have a headache, I have lost my head entirely and am now headless, etc.etc.etc.)
My friends know this. They know I'm panicking and they don't care. They are TAKING MISS BANSHEE TO THE MOVIES, DAMMIT. And no amount of crazy is going to stop them. ElleVee is very good at this. Laroux is EXCELLENT at this. Getting me to leave the house! It should be an Olympic sport.
So I have agreed to go, and go I shall, but Danielle is not going to see "Alice" OH NO, Miss Banshee is going to see "Alice" so the proper armor must be applied.
- freshly dyed hair
- full makeup, heavy on the eyes
- Freddy Krueger sweater
- bondage pants, short variety
- knee-length platform *six inch platform* boots
After I backcomb my hair into something out of a Cure video, I am ready to go out. No, that's a lie. Now it is time to pace. Pace pace pace. I'm ready early, of course, so I pace, and fret, and take a Klonopin, because that's what they're THERE FOR, and wait. ElleVee arrives promptly on time, I am waiting on my porch (no one is allowed in the Fortress of Solitude) and off we go. In my boots, I am so large and ElleVee is so tiny, even in heels, that I fear tripping over her at every turn.
We go to the movies. I smile. I'm Miss Banshee, dammit. I see people looking at me. Miss Banshee cares not a whit. Danielle is safe in her tower, still in her jimjams, away from all the people and things and "outside." We see, and love, the movie.
Danielle gets uncomfortable during the movie. She wants to go home. She NEEDS to go home. The movie is fantastic. Johnny Deppy is exquisite. The 3D does not irritate. Crispin Hellion Glover is…strangely sexy? ALL IS WELL, Miss Banshee tells Danielle. Danielle continues to sulk and pace her tower. She just wants to go home. Miss B tells her to relax and have some popcorn. (there are no diets at the movies)
The movie ends, and ElleVee and Miss Banshee rejoice. We are vair, vair happy. We make plans to see it again and again. We skipper off to the diner for bad food and good conversation. Danielle stays quiet.
After dinner, it is time to leave. Danielle has sounded the alarm, and Miss Banshee concurs. It's time to take Danielle home. She's exhausted and frazzled and it has been a long evening full of people and places and things and it's time to crawl out of Wonderland and back to the safety of home.
ElleVee immediately complies, and takes us home. Kisses, hugs, love yous, and I scamper off to my apartment, tripping over gravity and falling down on the way. Of course I do.
When you're already a hair under 5'7 and wearing 6 inch platform boots, falling down takes a looooooooong time. Just in case you were wondering.
I shake as I put the key in the door, burst inside, greet the cats, and take off my armor, put back on my jimjams and breathe for the first time since we left the diner. I smoke a cigarette and get on Twitter. All is right with the world. Danielle comes out from under the couch, and Miss Banshee can have a much needed rest.
All so I could go to the movies. In case you were wondering.