Common Sense: Psst. Get over here, freakshow, I have to torment you for a moment.
Me: Oh, that's always delightful, what do you want?
CS: Has it ever occurred to you, I mean, even a little, that someone else could just STEAL YOUR IDENTITY?
Me: But that already happened! My bank called me wondering why I was buying a Playstation online at 3 AM, because they thought that was rather odd, and they caught the bastard! I have a new card! My bank saved the day! We've gone through this already, I can't dwell on that any longer, I'll have to pack a bag for the lunatic asylum.
CS: I'm not talking about your bank account, dippy. I'm talking about your INTERNET PERSONALITY.
Me: You mean…another Miss Banshee? Well, gee, asshole, thanks, I hadn't thought about that before, but now obviously I need to panic.
CS: Yeah, I'm feeling especially mean today. So do you know what you have to do?
Me: Panic? Get under the couch? Cry?
CS: You need your own domain name. You need to claim MISSBANSHEE.COM as your own.
Me: Oh! Okay! That doesn't seem…too hard?
CS: Oh, it's hard.
Me: Well what do I have to do?
CS: You have to make sure no one else has it and then GRAB IT. For your own site. That will make going to the site so much easier! But you better do it now, or some Miss Banshee IMPOSTOR might snatch it up!
Me: Well, it IS 2:00 am. Perfect time to panic, so why not, LET'S DO THIS.
CS: Okay, here's the site you go to to get your domain name. *giggles*
Me: Why are you laughing at me?
CS: Because you're NEVER going to figure out how to do this correctly. Ever.
Me: Shut up, can too.
CS: Oh yeah? TRY.
Me: *pokes at keyboard* I have no idea what I'm doing. Oh wait! "search domain names" I can do that! Okay, searching for MISSBANSHEE.COM. Nope, no one has it! It's MINE NOW, BEESHES!!!!
CS: Now you need to register it, direct it back to your site, and make the transfer of all the pages upon pages of Inverse Candlelight be accessible using MISSBANSHEE.COM.
Me: *starts to cry*
CS: Or you could call Customer Service.
So I call Customer Service, and Todd was vair vair patient with me, and gently told me that this was really NOT the most complicated thing in the universe to do, but he'd be HAPPY to help the crazy woman at 2 AM, no really, he would, and he did the thing with the stuff and presto changeo, now all my beloved little squirrels need to do is type in MISSBANSHEE.COM and you go right to the site! No identity theft for me!
Now. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Um. Miss Banshee. I'm sure this was SUPER exciting at 2 AM, and clearly you're not on enough Klonopin, but this whole blog entry is vair nerdy and do you think we really care at ALL that you got a domain name? I mean, it's not like you went to city hall and changed your legal name to Miss Banshee. THAT would be impressive. Psychotic, but impressive. What you've done is waste an entire couple of minutes of our vair busy lives nattering on about a domain name for your little website, it's not like you're famous or anything, sweetpea. No one cares."
Me: But…but my nerdly joy! I have an IDENTITY now! MISSBANSHEE.COM! that's me!
The World: Well why don't you and your nerdly joy get your shoes on and go to your therapist, okay? You don't want to be late, and as we've all seen this morning, you really, really need your therapist a hell of a lot more than you needed a freaking domain name. That's it, no, use the shoes with the velcro, you've had a long morning. Wouldn't want to snap any more brain synapses. You can still work velcro, right? Or do we have to call customer service?
Me: I don't appreciate your tone. I can manage shoes without velcro.
Me: FINE, the shoes I HAPPEN TO BE WEARING TODAY HAVE VELCRO. This has nothing to do with anything. You're totally shitting in my nerdly punchbowl, man. I have a Domain Name. I am Mistress of my Domain. This is awesome.
World: That's fantastic. You can tell your shrink. Off you go.
Me: MISSBANSHEE.COM! Catch the fever!
World: It's staggering, really, that she can even work the velcro.