PEEPLES. Persons. HOOMAN BEANS. It is I, Stewie, here where I rightfully belong, on the Sunday blog. Mama say, she say "Stewie, you write blog today, Super Sekrit Project have mama too tired, and she just want to play today, YOU write."
Stewie say OKAY, YAY!
So what has been happening in life of Stewie? LOTS OF THINGS AND STUFF. Remember when Stewie had to go to see Dr. K cause Stewie had booboo on his belly? Well! That story was only told by MAMA and not STEWIE, so here is story by me, Stewie, about what rilly happened when Stewie had to go to VET.
It was cold, rainy day when Stewie was just MINDING HIS OWN BEESWAX licking his hot tummy. Not Hott, like Paris Hilton, but HOT! Stewie's tummy was all HOT! And OWIE! So Stewie do what any cat worth his kibble do. He LICK IT RAW. Make it worse! Oh yeah, aaaall the fur? Gone! Big welt! Red! INFLAMED. This is how Stewie helps situation.
So Stewie think "All under comtrol nao. Big hot red spot on belly no big deal, where's a shoe I can chew on in peace, for the loveagod?" Then. OH THEN, HOOMAN BEANS.
Mama found out.
Stewie was caught! and Mama held him like hooman bean BABY not big boy CAT and started poking my hot belly! And YELLING. And saying SWEARING WORDS. And then oh boy, Mama start to cry. She say "My baby my baby my baby" and she call my hooman bean GRANNY to tell her what to do with sick baby.
AM NOT SICK BABY, AM BIG CAT ROWR! MIGHTY!
Granny say Mama kind of an idiot (Stewie can't argue with dat one) and why don't Mama call Dr.K, since Dr. K old dear hooman bean friend of Mama. Went to skool together! Sang in choir! It's true. So mama call Dr. K but she still crying and using STEWIE TAIL to wipe up tears, hello, that is not what Stewie's tail is FOR, mama, but she too crazy at this point to listen to reason.
Now understand, hooman beans, that Stewie has never met a "Dr.K" and have no idea who or what a "Dr.K" IS, other than another hooman bean. Stewie know dis cause Mama call Dr.K on phone, and cats rarely use cellphones, except for emergency pizza delivery. So Stewie in dark about dis whole thing, and wandered off cause Stewie got BORED. Because let's face it, beans. Mama getting hysterical and crying and yelling? Not new thing around house. Boring!
So Stewie went to closet door to BANG BANG BANG with head to be let IN. Because EVERYONE KNOW that closet opens into KITTY NARNIA, and also where yummy shoe live. Everyone know dis, beans.
Then! CRISIS!!!!! Mama has JAIL BOX OF DOOM! OH NO!!!!!! And before Stewie even know it, Mama shove Stewie into JAIL BOX and is carrying box of doom with Stewie in it outside! Into the rain! HALP!!!!!
Then we go in car, OH NO. Stewie don't like car. Stewie CRY AND CRY AND CRY. Is so sad, beans. Sadder than Steel Magnolias. Sad!!! So Stewie crying and Mama crying and we drive ZOOM RILLY FAST and let Stewie tell you one thing.
Stewie not very bright, but he know a couple thing for sure. When cats have to go in JAIL BOX and in the car? NOTHING GOOD HAPPEN. Before you know it, you in box on AIRPLANE or move to GEORGIA or go to VET to get SHOTS. Box + car = BAD NEWS FOR KITTEH. So Stewie scream whole time. This make Mama drive better, IS PROVEN SCIENCE FACT!
So now we at Dr.K. And OMIGOD, beans! Do you know what Dr. K is? Other than pretty lady? SHE VET!!!!!! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! So Stewie decide PRISON BOX is perfect place to stay in FOREVER and decide he not coming out. So Mama pick up box and shake it like a ketchup bottle and Stewie FALL OUT. Nice bean, that Mama. Sheesh.
So Dr.K very nice lady, even though she VET, and gave Stewie PILLZ and put Stewie on scale and say Stewie A LITTLE PLUMP. But belly will be fine, and Mama stop crying after Dr.K give her big hug and then it back into PRISON BOX which was A OK with Stewie and then drive in car back home.
Stewie scream whole time, just for funsies.
SO DAT WHAT HAPPEN. Okay, this blog too long, but it's been forever since Stewie talk to his favorite hooman beans, so THANKS FOR READING GO PLAY NOW!
And remember, Stewie LOVE YOU!