Busy! Busy busy busy little bee I have been! So okay, I'm gonna let you guys in on a LITTLE PART of a secret, but I can't tell you everything, so you'll just have to be patient and wait, because what if the whole thing explodes in my face and I look the foolio?
The World: You have a habit of always looking the foolio, foolio.
I don't appreciate your tone. ANYWAY, you've read on the blog about my SUPER SEKRIT PROJECT, and although I can't tell you what that IS, I can tell you that it has to do with writing, and what better subject to write about than writing? So here's a little of what goes on in my (heeheehee) "writing process."
Sit down to write. Apply laptop to lap. Mute television. Think "I have no idea what to write about." Start free-writing, which sometimes gets out of control, figure out a topic, and run with it. Seriously, I just go guns-a-blazin'. Write write write. No outlines, no PLAN, nothing but frenetic writing and once I'm done, I go back, read it over, and insert funny bits where I've missed opportunities for funny bits, and clear up the gross spelling/grammar errors, insert a picture here or there, and hit "Publish!" That's it!
Then the real fun begins. I re-read what I have published. I hate it! It's stupid! If it's supposed to be funny, it's not. If it's supposed to be be serious, it's whiny. WHY would anyone ever read my stupid blog? It sucks!
The World: Your penchant for the overdramatic has not been unnoticed, drama queen.
Anyway, that's usually when I climb under the couch and let the piece go. I mean, I can't re-write it all, it's just a blog, If I write it, my gorgeous and divine readers will read it (are those new pants, readers? Because your ass looks FANTASTIC in them,) so under the couch I go with the demon dust bunnies, and the blog is written for another day.
Ah, but the Super Sekrit Project is far more involved than a simple blog entry, and there's no hitting "Publish" and diving under the couch when I'm done working on it for the day. OH NO. It sits there, in Google Documents, MOCKING ME, until I go back and re-read what I've worked on for the day, and then THIS happens.
*flings self onto imaginary fainting couch* "I am the worst writer ever! This is ALL CRAP. Garbage! Shit! I will have to throw it ALL in the dumpster and become a nun, because this writing thing is CLEARLY not for me, I hate every word I wrote, ah mah gah, I am the biggest failure ever, where are my smelling salts, I have the vapours."
And then I obsessively read it over and over, wailing and gnashing my teeth about what a FRAUD I am, this is the most BORING thing I've ever written, I am clearly meant to do something else, like go back to bed and stare at the wall for a couple of weeks.
There is a reason famous writers are all batshit insane, is what I am saying.
So here's the deal. The Super Sekrit Project is slowly coming along, and once logistics are worked out, I will tell YOU, my beloved little squirrels, all about it. But until then I must be vair vair mysterious, and if you get curious as to what I'm doing, just remember, I'm probably under the couch, sucking my thumb and being the embodiment of the artistic temperament. Because I may not be an actress anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't be RIDICULOUSLY AND COMPLETELY OVERDRAMATIC AT EVERY TURN. Which I am. Always. And this is why it's good that I live alone, because were another person here, I'd be shoving pages of writing into his face and screeching "FUNNY? TOO SERIOUS? NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH? DOES IT MAKE ANY SENSE? VALIDATE ME, DAMMIT!!!!" and I'd shake the shit out of him by the shoulders, and you should NEVER shake someone like that, you'll give them brain damage and they'll be ruined for life.
And THAT, friends, is what we call a TANGENT. I go on them a lot. It's also a sign from the solar system that it's time to finish the blog for the day. I have Super Sekrit Stuff to do.
Bachelor recap is up at MamaPop at 11:00. Here's the LINK.
Yours from under the couch,
Your tiny little crazy internet pal,